


Forever in the Garden

by AppleCiderr



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Depressed Orihara Izaya, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt Orihara Izaya, Izaya Being Izaya (Durarara!!), Izaya Needs a Hug, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Orihara Izaya-centric, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possible Sad Ending, Rating May Change, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sakura (Cherry Blossoms), Shizaya - Freeform, Shizaya Week, Sick Character, Sickfic, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-01-04 04:31:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21191609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AppleCiderr/pseuds/AppleCiderr
Summary: Orihara Izaya never cared about love, but that was before he started to cough up flower petals.





	1. The Roots

The wind whistling in his ears as he ran through the alleyways, the feeling of his heart pounding against his chest, and the guttural roars of his arch-nemesis running after him. Today was a great day. 

Ah, yes. It was moments like these that Izaya enjoyed the most.

“Shizu-chan!” The informant broker sang as he jumped onto the fire escape of a nearby building, narrowly dodging a stop sign. “Your aim is getting worse! Maybe I should come around more often, you need practice!”

The blonde man let out another enraged screech, tearing out a nearby mailbox. “You bastard! Stay out of Ikebukuro or I’ll kill you!” He snarled.

Dodging the mailbox, sat on the rails of the fire escape, hanging upside down as he looked at the debt collector. “You won’t kill anyone if you can’t aim correctly, silly Shizu-chan!” He giggled, a snake like grin on his face. “Even a protozoan should know that practice makes perfect!”

“SHUT UP!” Shizuo yelled, the sound echoing throughout the alleyway. With a large lung, the man sent himself flying upwards towards Izaya with his fist pulled back, ready to strike.

Just before Shizuo reached him, Izaya unhooked his legs from the fire escape, falling down towards the ground. His hands quickly hit the dumpster below, allowing him to use the momentum to push himself into a flip and land on his feet. 

Without turning to face the sound of crashing metal, Izaya hurried out of the alleyway and back into the busy streets. He ran as fast as he could through the crowd, and then into one of the several stores nearby.

Once inside, Izaya backed up against a wall and caught his breath. Turning his ruby orbs to the outside of the building, he could see the bartender clad blonde at the mouth of the alley, angrily searching for his lost prey.

He giggled between gulps of breath. “Silly Shizu-chan, thinking he could catch me,” He said to himself. “Even lions are less than twenty precent successful at catching prey in daylight, and they actually have the brains to think about the hunt.”

Izaya went to laugh at his own joke, but something got caught in his throat. He gasped and lurched forward, his hand going to cover his mouth as a sudden flurry of coughs ripping through his chest. 

It took several long, painful seconds for the coughing to subside. When he finally had enough air to breathe, he pulled his hand away and froze at what he saw. His hand now had blood splattered all across it. 

The raven’s eyes widened in shock. What? Blood? He wondered. But… Why? I’m not sick… I feel fine?

He didn’t get anymore time to examine it, as the sound of terrified shoppers made him turn to the shop’s windows just in time to see a trash can flying towards the glass. He quickly jumped out of the way just as it broke through the weak protection. 

“_ IZAYA! _ ” Shizuo’s voice reached his ears once again. “You slimy bastard, thought you could hide from me?!”

The sound of his voice brought Izaya back into the action. He forgot about the blood he had just lost, and turned to Shizuo with his usual grin. “Oh Shizuo, I could never hide from you, you can sniff me out like a bloodhound. Too bad you smell like one too,” He casually baoted.

“_ WHAT DID YOU SAY?! _” Shizuo yelled, his hand making possession of a metal rack of clothes and lifting it over his head.

The raven turned and sped away, the chase was back on, and Izaya’s glee overtook any worry he had felt only seconds before.

\-- -- -- -- -- -- --

It was sundown by the time Izaya got back to his apartment in Shinjuku, and found that he was thoroughly exhausted by the day’s activities. Usually, he could have let Shizuo chase him until the sun fell and then rose back up. But for some reason, his lungs felt much smaller than usual.

When he got back to his door, he shook as he tried to unlock his apartment door. His vision was clouded at the edges, and he desperately tried to force more air into his lungs. As soon as his door was unlocked, another coughing fit overtook him.

Forcing the door open, Izaya stumbled forward and nearly fell to the ground, only being saved thanks to the half wall in front of him. In his stumble to take possession of it, he knocked over and shattered a vase but he paid no heed.

His hand once again went to cover his mouth, desperately trying to stop the coughing that ripped through him. He could barely breathe, it hurt so bad. Why is this happening to me?! 

It was so hard to get any air in his lungs, his legs shook underneath him and hit the hardwood floors painfully as he fell. Black and white spots danced across his vision, painful coughs and wheezes still tearing out of his throat as his vision finally turned black. 

\-- -- -- -- -- --

When Izaya finally woke up, his chest was burning, his limbs were cold, and his whole body felt strangely numb at the same time. His eyelids felt like they were glued shut, and it took several seconds for him to pry them open.

He cringed at the feeling of the light hitting his face, having to blink several times in order to get even the slightest bit of his vision back. _ What… What happened? _

When the raven brought his hand up to rub at his pounding head, but stopped when he saw the dried blood covering his hand. It happened again…

He dropped his hands, using them to push himself up into a sitting position. “I’m.. On the floor,” He slowly observed, looking around warily. It was no longer sunset, instead the sun was just rising. “I was out all night?”

When he looked down to where he had just been laying, Izaya was treated to a very peculiar sight. There was a pool of blood on the ground, and something strange scattered in it. He reached out, picking up the small pink things with wide eyes.

“What the…” He muttered,”Is… Is this some kind of prank?”

Before he could consider it, the pain in his chest returned. He grabbed at his shirt, groaning in pain. It hurt, his lungs felt like they were burning, his whole chest felt extremely sore. He coughed again, using his already bloody hand to block it.

Pulling his hand away once it calmed revealed to Izaya’s his very fear. It wasn’t a prank, something was seriously wrong.

He reached up, his bloody hand grabbing at the wall again. He forced himself onto his shaky feet, looking towards the still open door. “I-I need to go to Shinra,” He stuttered,”He’ll, he’ll know. He has to know something…”

Forcing one foot in front of the other, Izaya forced himself to keep going. There had to be something Shinra could do to fix this.

\-- -- -- -- -- -- --

“Good morning, my lovely wonderful Celty!” Shinra sang happily as Celty walked into the kitchen. 

Celty, still in her pajamas, looked over to see Shinra wearing a very obnoxious apron that read ‘kiss the cook’ while pouring a traditional breakfast into their respective bowls. 

She plopped herself next to him on the island, watching him cheerfully chatter between bites. She sighed, drowsily pulling out her phone, typing one key at a time, and then holding it out to Shinra.** [How do you have so much energy this early in the morning?] **She demanded.

“Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise!” Shinra cheerfully responded, point his chopsticks at her. “And if I wake up early, it means I can make my love a special breakfast every day!”

**[I don’t even need to eat]** Celty reminded him.

Shinra shrugged, that goofy smile still on his face. “I don’t mind! I still get to live in domestic bliss with my love! Making you breakfast, saying goodbye as you go to work, having a special surprise for you when you get home~ Something special that involves-”

Before Shinra could finish that horrible sentence, and before Celty could punch him in the ribs, there was a frantic knocking sound on the door interrupted them. The two stopped, looking towards each other curiously. Neither of them had been expecting guests, but with their professions, surprise guests weren’t unexpected either. 

Shinra shed the apron, already having his lab coat on underneath, and Celty quickly shifted her pajamas into her normal back outfit. Shinra hurried over to the door as the knocking continued, opening up to reveal their visitor.

“Orihara-kun! It’s good to see you!” Shinra cheerfully said, and Celty felt her mood instantly drop. Oh great, what was _ he _doing here?

But the second she got a look at him, Celty didn’t wonder anymore. It was obvious something was very wrong. The raven’s clothing was wrinkled, his hair a ruffled mess, his hands had dried blood on them, and his face was splattered with it as well.

“Orihara-kun!” Shinra exclaimed again, pulling him inside. “What- what happened to you? Did Shizuo get you this time?”

Izaya stumbled a bit, breathing hard as he shook his head. “Shinra,” He croaked,”I need your help. Something is wrong with me.” 

_ I can think of several things wrong with you… _Celty thought, but she kept it to herself. Shinra cared about Izaya… For some reason. As long as the informant broker didn’t hurt him, Celty wouldn’t do anything.

Shinra had a worried expression on his face. “Why?” He asked, finally seeming to notice the blood. “Are you coughing up blood? Orihara-kun, that’s a sign of several different infections, it could even be cancer!”

“I don’t think it is, Shinra,” He declared,”Because… because that’s not all that is happening.”

Suddenly the raven lurched forward, a coughing fit overcoming him. It sounded so painful that even Celty cringed. Shinra held onto Izaya, keeping him from crashing to the ground. The coughing lasted several painful, violent seconds before Izaya pulled his hand away.

Looking down at his bloody palm, he held it further away from him. “This is what I’m worried about,” He croaked.

Curiously, Celty and Shinra leaned forward. In Izaya’s hands, were small pink objects that were stained red with blood. At first, they couldn’t quite tell what it was. So Shinra pulled a glove on, taking the small object out of his friend’s hand. Lifting it up, Shinra finally realized what it was.

Izaya was coughing up cherry blossoms.


	2. Growth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Celty has an idea, Izaya isn't so sure

“Oh, wow....”

Shinra whispered to himself these two words over and over as he examined Izaya. He tested Izaya’s breathing, finding that the raven had much more trouble breathing than before. He then used his mirror to check down Izaya’s throat.

“Oh, wow!”

“‘Ill oo flease stof ‘aying tha?!” Izaya growled at the doctor the best he could with the popsicle stick on his tongue. Thankfully, Celty seemed to understand him and have pity for his situation, as she grabbed Shinra’s shoulder and gently pried him away from the raven.

**[I agree, please stop]** Celty said, she couldn’t help but feel a little bad for what Izaya was going through. After all, both Shinra and her father had examined her too.

Shinra’s face turned into a pout. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean anything by it… I’ve just never seen anything like it! It’s so interesting!” He excitedly said, waving the mirror and popsicle stick in his hands like a gleeful child.

Celty saw the anger in Izaya’s face only get worse. “Interesting?  _ Interesting?!  _ Shinra, I’m coughing up flower petals!! Nothing about this is interesting, I just want it to stop!” He snapped at his friend.

“I know you do, Orihara-kun,” Shinra gently said,”But I’ve never seen this before. I can’t fix it if I don’t know what it is, and I won’t know what it is unless I examine it.”

The raven sighed, shutting his eyes and rubbing at his temples with two fingers. “I know, I’m sorry…” He muttered,”You can keep going..”

Celty couldn’t stop the jolt of surprise that ran through her body. Izaya… Apologizing? Whatever this was, it must really be overwhelming him. 

Shinra didn’t react at all to the sudden apology other than a small nod. “Follow me, Orihara-kun. I want to try a few different tests,” He said,”My other equipment is probably better suited for trying to understand what’s happening here.”

Izaya nodded quietly, which turned into a lurch forward as that painful cough took him over once more. Shinra watched with avid attention when Izaya pulled his hand away, revealing a small pile of cherry blossom petals.

Celty had to admit, she was getting worried. At first, Izaya only coughed up petals every couple times he had a coughing fit, but now, only hours later, there were always petala and blood, it didn't matter if it was a small cough or a huge fit. 

Shinra seemed to notice that too, as he took Izaya by his clean hand and led him to the spare room where they kept most of Shinra's medical supplies. 

_I wonder what the doctors at the hospital would think about Izaya's condition. Would they even believe him?_ _Would they lock him away and experiment on him? _Celty thought to herself_. I guess it's good he came to Shinra instead_. _One of the perks of being friends with an underground doctor._

Standing by herself, Celty's mind wandered even further. She wondered about Izaya’s affliction and how strange it was. Where could such a thing have come from? She wandered over to the office, where her laptop was sitting. She sat down, powering it up.

_ Maybe he ate the seeds and they grew in his stomach?  _ Celty wondered. _ I heard some human parents say that if their children ate watermelon seeds, one would grow in their stomach but I always thought that was a myth. _

Once her search engine was open, she quickly typed up ‘coughing up flowers?’ and hit enter. She scrolled through the results, and all of them seemed to relate to one specific thing. She clicked a few of the articles and read them through… It looked right, except for one part.

By the time she read through the whole article twice, Shinra and Izaya emerged from the spare room. Shinra was pouring over paperwork, but Izaya just looked like he was even more exhausted than before. 

With her phone she said ** [I think I might have an idea of what this is.] ** When both Izaya and Shinra looked up at her curiously, she handed Izaya the laptop.  **[Hanahaki Disease]**

“Hana-what?” Shinra asked curiously,”What is Hanahaki Disease?”

The raven didn't bother to answer Shinra, as he was too busy reading the article. Slowly, a frown climbed onto Izaya’s already tired face. His eyes scanned the page, his eyebrows furrowing even more the longer he read it. “Hanahaki?” He read aloud,”You think I have Hanahaki?”

“What is Hanahaki Disease?” Shinra asked again, louder this time and with an annoyed expression on his face after being ignored.

**[Hanahaki is a disease where flowers and roots grow and bloom in the respiratory system, especially around the heart and lungs, and the victim coughs them up along with blood.] ** Celty explained before hesitating. Slowly, she typed out. ** [The cause is… Unrequited love…]**

“Unrequited…” Shinra whispered, trailing off as he looked towards Izaya with confusion in his brown eyes. Celty knew he was thinking the exact same thing as she did when she first read the article.

_ Is it possible for Orihara Izaya to fall in love? _

After a pregnant pause, Shinra moved to Izaya's side. “Honestly, that sounds like the most likely explanation,” He cautiously said,”Coughing up flowers, cherry blossoms specifically, along with blood. It all fits."

Izaya’s frown seemed to only deepen. He quickly shut the laptop, handing it to Celty. “No, it can’t be that,” He denied,”It’s folklore, a legend. It’s not real.”

“Well, all stories come from somewhere, right?” Shinra replied.

**[Dullahans are folklore, but I’m still here] ** Celty helpfully pointed out.

“Even if it  _ is _ real,” Izaya continued,”It’s about unrequited love. I’m not in love with any one person. I love all humans equally." 

As if disagreeing with him, a pained expression came across Izaya's face again as another burst of coughs ran through him. The bloody cherry blossoms fluttered down into his waiting hand. 

**[According to the flowers coming out of your mouth, there's one human that you probably like a ** ** _little _ ** **bit more]** Celty said. 

“We don’t know for sure, none of my tests can really see for sure,” Shinra said,"An X-ray would be the best way to tell, but we don't have that option at the moment. For now, this is our best hypothesis."

**[You have to admit, it isn’t the strangest thing we have seen in Ikebukuro.]** Celty reminded both of them, while also pointing to herself.

The raven let out a frustrated sigh. "No…" He firmly said,"That can't be what it is! It has to be something else!"

Finally losing what little patience she had, Celty shoved her phone into his face.  **[Then what else could it be, all mighty Informant Broker?!]** She demanded.

Izaya's eyes widened at the sight of her angry message, his face growing a pink hue in shame. He sighed again, and all the energy he had seemed to melt away. 

He let out a soft sigh, wrapped his fur jacket tighter around him, and whispered,"I'm going to go home… I need to think…" 

Shinra took a few hesitant steps towards his friend. "Be careful, Orihara-kun…" He said,"With your condition the way it is, just be safe." 

Celty slowly held up her phone once more. ** [And please, think about what I said, at least a little.] ** She suggested.  **[I was just trying to help.]**

Izaya looked at both of them, giving a slow nod. "I know you were…" He quietly said,"Thank you."

Without another word, Izaya slid his shoes on, and exited their home. Leaving the couple alone with their worries about him.

\-- -- -- -- -- -- 

Izaya meant to go home, he really did. His strange condition was something he didn't want anyone (especially his enemies) to see. 

But at the same time, he wanted to feel better. Shinra and Celty and their idea that it might be Hanahaki left him feeling even more overwhelmed than before. He needed something to comfort him. 

Before he knew it, he was standing in front of Russia Sushi. He stopped near the entrance, finding that he didn't want to walk any further.  _ Fatty tuna sounds really good right now… _

Izaya didn't even fight the desire. He walked through the entrance, and was greeted by an enthusiastic Simon. 

"Izaya!" The Russian cheerfully said,"Sushi usual? To go?"

The raven shook his head. "Actually, I'll eat it here," He replied,"A booth would be nice."

If Simon was surprised, he didn't show it. His usual smile stayed on his face as he happily lead Izaya to one of the private booths, and cheerfully said,"Back soon! Sushi ready soon!"

Izaya waited until he was completely out of sight before he let his usual smirk vanish. He let out a nervous sigh, pulling his legs up to his chest, and resting his chin on top. 

_ Why is this happening to me?  _ He wondered.  _ Is it because of the chaos I've caused in this city? Is it because of my job?  _

His hands gripped his knees tighter.  _ If Celty is right, and it is Hanahaki… Who… Who could I possibly be in love with?  _

He broke out of his thoughts as Simon placed down a plate of his favorite fatty tuna, and then another, and then another. 

"I only ordered one plate, Simon," Izaya reminded him. 

Simon nodded in response. "Izaya did, but Izaya is sad," He declared,"Sushi make happy again."

Part of Izaya felt touched that Simon could tell something was wrong, but another part of him was angry.  _ This damned sickness, it's forcing my guard down… Am I that weak already? Or was I weak to begin with?  _

He chuckled at the cruel irony of it all, only to lean forward, slam his hand over his mouth, and cough violently once more. He could feel the blood and flower petals in his hand, but he didn't pull away. Simon was still watching him. 

"Izaya sick?" Simon asked in concern,"More sushi will fix!"

He turned to hurry away, but Izaya quickly lowered his hand. "Wait, Simon," He called, before switching to Russian. " _ I want to ask you something."  _

Simon seemed caught off guard by his words, he stated at Izaya briefly before moving and sitting down across from him. " _ What is it you want to ask me, Izaya?"  _ He replied, his speech much more eloquent in his native language. 

Izaya hesitated for a second, wondering if he was making the right decision. Was he letting his guard down too much already? Should he even tell Simon this? Should he ask someone else?  _ Then again… Who else would I ask?  _

Taking a deep breath, he slowly looked up at Simon with a serious glint in his eyes. " _ Have you ever heard of Hanahaki?"  _ He asked. 

Simon's eyes widened. " _ Hanahaki?" _ He questioned," _ The flower disease?"  _

At Izaya's nod, a somber look came over his face. He sighed and nodded. " _ I have. Knew someone in the Soviet Union who suffered from it. The person he loved was a childhood friend who was on the other side. She never loved him back, she told him she would never love him." _

" _ So he… he died?" _ Izaya nervously asked. 

Simon nodded grimly. " _ I found him dead. The lily flowers he had been coughing for years had suffocated him. We buried him, and before I left, his grave had become a meadow of Lilys." _

_ So, it is real…  _ Izaya realized. " _ How come such a strange illness like mi- ahem… Like that isn't well known?" _ He asked. 

" _ Firstly, it's very rare. Secondly, most people who have it never tell anyone _ ," Simon says," _ The only cure is for the person who they love to love them back. If not, that's the end. There's nothing doctors can do, so many don't even try _ ."

The large man's eyes grew sad as he thought about his dark past. He sighed again, looking at the plates in front of him, then back up at the silent informant broker. " _ Why did you even ask me about this, Izaya?"  _ He demanded. 

There was no hiding it now. Izaya knew that behind that jubilant smile was a highly trained killer, he would know the second Izaya was lying.  _ I guess I have no choice… _

Slowly, he turned his hand around and show Simon it's contents. Instantly the man's eyes widened in shock. 

"You have it…" He whispered in Japanese, quickly switching back to Russian. " _ When did this start happening?" _

" _ Yesterday _ ," He answered. 

" _ Are you coughing up flowers or just petals?" _ Simon asked. 

" _ Petals _ ," Izaya said. 

His answers seemed to calm the big man at least a little. " _ You caught it early _ ," He said," _ You still have time before it gets bad. You can still fix this, hopefully _ ."

" _ How can I fix it when I don't even know who it is?!" _ Izaya angrily snapped," _ I don't know who it is I'm in love with. Where would I even start? _ "

Simon's saddened gaze seemed to seep directly into Izaya's soul. He sighed and shook his head. " _ I don't know, only you can know for sure _ " He said _ ,"But Izaya, this is a dangerous thing _ ."

Looking him straight in the eye, Simon firmly said," _ You will die unless the love is returned, you need to understand that _ ."

“ _ I do- _ "

" _ You cannot be a coward anymore _ ." Simon firmly finished. 

Izaya cringed at that, and lowered his eyes to look at the bloody petals… The petals from the flowers that would eventually kill him. 

_ "... I know." _


	3. Stems

“You look like shit,” Namie stated bluntly as she and Shiki walked into his apartment, watching the informant broker sift through stacks of paper.

Izaya forced one of his normal smirks onto his face, even though he didn’t feel like doing much of anything, and responded,”It’s wonderful to see you too, Namie~”

He set down the papers and moved to his kitchen, opening the container of painkillers that Shinra had prescribed him. Filling a cup of water, he downed two of the pills, and discreetly hid the bottle in one of the cabinets. 

_ I don’t know how well these will help me, but there’s not much else I can do… _ He thought, moving over to his desk and flopping down in his chair. He let out a large sigh as he pushed himself over to his computer.

Shiki looked between the Yagiri woman and Izaya, before moving forward to Izaya’s desk. “I’m not here for a social call. I just wanted to tell you that I need you to research an up and coming gang called ‘The Desecrators’” He looked suspiciously at Namie. “I’ll text you the rest of the details.”

Without another word the Awakusu-kai gang leader left, obviously not comfortable speaking to his informant broker when there was another customer around. Once he was gone, Izaya and Namie were alone.

After a few seconds of silence, the informant broker let out a sad noise. “What a cliche name,” Izaya said with a disappointed tone, speedily typing the name out on his several computers. “The gangs with the scary names are never the scary ones, my lovely humans need to be more creative!”

The woman in front of his desk scoffed. “Yes, I’m sure they’ll take that advice to heart,” She sarcastically said. “That’s as likely as any of your ‘lovely humans’ loving you back.”

Her words made Izaya freeze up, his typing stopping suddenly, and red eyes staring blankly ahead for several seconds. He could feel a churning in his gut, and a slight pain in his chest. 

Izaya leaned forward, coughing painfully into his hand once more. There were more petals than there had usually been… He stared at the pink petals for a painfully long time, before clenching his fist tightly. 

“Get out.” The raven said, not looking up at her, only staring at his now shaking fist.

He heard a confused noise coming from her. “Wait, seriously?” She questioned,”You get all sensitive over one little comment? I’ve said way worse, and I need to hire you for a job-”

“I said  _ get out! _ ” Izaya interrupted, his tone much more firm than before, almost sounding threatening. 

It was enough to make Namie go silent, seemingly afraid of saying anything else. She slowly picked up her papers, grabbed her stuff, and left the apartment. The door slammed shut behind her, the automatic lock clicking in place, and leaving Izaya all alone.

After a full minute of just staring at his bloody fist, Izaya tore his gaze away. He looked at the computer in front of him. He knew he should do work, he really should… But he just felt so.. So… Empty.

He stood up suddenly, clenching his fist and letting the petals fall to the ground. He backed away from the computer, his back hitting the cold glass windows, and his whole body sliding to the ground.

Izaya shuddered, pulling his knees up to his chest, and lifting his hood over his head. He was scared, terrified. Never in his life had he felt so… mortal. A shaky laugh escaped his throat, and his red eyes started to turn misty with tears.

“I’m going to die…” He whispered,”I’m going to suffocate and die thanks to some fucking flowers.” He giggled again, resting his forehead on his knees and wrapping his arms around his scrawny legs.

“Unless… I find the person who I’m in love with and… They love me back,” He reminded himself, a frown overcoming his tired features. “But if I find them and they don’t love me back… I’m still going to die…”

The raven smirked at the irony of his sickness, an annoyed sigh leaving his lips soon after. “I guess there’s no harm in looking for them then,” He decided out loud,”If I… If I really do have Hanahaki, this is the only way to stop it.”

\-- -- -- -- -- -- --

“-And so their plan is to take down the Awakusu-kai territory a little at a time under different, smaller gangs until they get enough members to rival and challenge you, only then would they reveal themselves as all being members of The Desecraters,” Izaya finished, handing the papers of his research to Shiki,

The crime boss looked them over from his seat in the car, scanning every page and taking in every detail. While he did that, Izaya tried to settle another coughing fit that had come over him. It took him an uncomfortably long time to stop, and he had to quickly shove his hands in his coat pockets to add the new petals to the pile of them already inside the coat’s pockets.

If his boss noticed Izaya’s weird behavior, he didn’t say anything. He shuffled through the pages, nodding every now and then. “I see,” He said,”My men had been telling me about a sudden influx of gangs. This makes much more sense now.”

“Ah, it was easy,” Izaya confidently said,”They believed so strongly that they were going to take you down, I found them bragging on tons of sites. If you tried to jump down from their egos down to their IQs, you’d break your legs.”

Shiki smirked. “Yes, that would be a pretty steep drop, wouldn’t it?” He agreed, putting the papers in his suitcase. As soon as the papers were in a safe spot, he turned back to the raven. “I can drive you to the edge of Ikebukuro if you’d like,” He offered.

Izaya coughed against his sleeve for a few seconds, shaking his head the best he could. “No thank you, Shiki-san,” He said,”I have some business in Ikebukuro, and fatty tuna sounds  _ really _ good right now.”

As soon as he finished speaking, the car came to a stop. Shiki reached into his coat pocket, pulling out a wad of cash, and handing it to Izaya. “Good work, as always,” He said,”Use this money to get some medicine for that cough. It sounds terrible.”

_ Oh, so he had noticed. _ Izaya realized, feeling a little happy about the fact Shiki seemed concerned about his health. But he couldn’t seem to remove his facade he had on, his smirk only got bigger, and he gleefully said,”Aww! Shiki-san  _ does _ care!”

Shiki rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I can’t have my informant broker dying now, can I?” He responded. 

Izaya felt his heart skip again, fear instantly filling his veins. He swallowed the lump in his throat and curtly nodded in response to Shiki’s words, hurrying out of the limo before anything else could be said. 

He leaned against the side of the alley after the car had vanished, coughing up bloody petals into his hand. He knew he couldn’t fault people like Namie and Shiki for their comments, they had no idea that he was actually dying. But that didn’t make those words hurt him any less. Izaya sighed, pulling his hood over his head and joining the crowd of people, allowing his mind to wander. 

It had been three weeks since his discussion with Simon about the Hanahaki, but he was still no closer to finding out who he was in love with. Such a quest was much more difficult than he first expected.

There were a few people he ruled out right away, of course. Shinra and Celty were the most obvious, he held no romantic feelings for them. Shiki? Hell no, that was his boss. Mikage? Well… Maybe a long time ago. But Izaya had no feelings for her anymore. 

He let out a deep sigh, shoving his hands in his pockets. He played with the petals inside them, idly wondering how long it would take to find the person he loved. Would he ever find them? Or was he destined to die?

Darker thoughts started to rise up inside him. _ Do I even deserve to find love after all the crimes I’ve committed? The lives I’ve ruined? _ He wondered.  _ Is this the universe’s punishment? I cannot honestly say I don’t deserve it… _

“Yo, I-za-ya!” Simon’s cheerful voice broke through his dark thoughts, snapping the raven back into a reality.

_ I’m in front of Russia Sushi… _ He realized, a sliver of confusion overcoming him. _ I don’t even remember how I got here… _

Pushing aside his confusion, Izaya calmly replied,”Hello Simon, how have you been? It’s been a while.”

“Been good! Sushi good! Business good!” Simon happily replied, slowly lowering himself towards Izaya. The language switched to Russian, and Simon continued,” _ Have you found the person yet? _ ”

Izaya sighed and shook his head. “ _ I’m afraid not _ ,” He answered in the same language. “ _ I’ve thought about almost everyone, but none of them make me feel anything. _ ”

“ _ Who have you crossed out? _ ” Simon asked.

“ _ Namie, Shinra, Celty, Mikage, Dota-chin and his gang… _ ” Izaya listed out on his fingers. “ _ Just about anyone I know at a more personal level _ .”

A frown overcame Simon’s usually cheerful face as he listened to Izaya’s name listing. “Are you sure you’ve thought of everyone?” He questioned in Japanese,”Absolutely everyone?”

Izaya could hear the implication in his voice and scrouged his brain, trying to think of anyone… But nothing came to mind. He gave Simon a confused look, and asked,”Who could I have forgotten?”

As soon as he finished his sentence, Simon grabbed the back of his hood, yanking him back just in time for a vending machine to crash right where he had been standing. The people around them cried out in surprise, and quickly scrambled, they knew what was coming.

_ “IIIIIII-ZAAAA-YAAA!!!” _

Izaya felt a large grin climb up his face, all the thoughts of his dangerous illness melting away in an instant. He turned away from Simon, cheerfully saying,”Shizu-chan! How’s my favorite protozoan today?”   
  


“I told you to stay out of Ikebukuro!!” Shizuo yelled in response, the stop sign he was holding crumbling in between his clenched fists. 

The raven chuckled. “How long will it take you to realize that such a thing is impossible?” He questioned,”Silly Shizu-chan~”

“DON’T CALL ME THAT!” Shizuo screeched, throwing the stop sign from his hands towards the raven. Izaya dodged with time to spare and took off down a nearby alleyway, and the chase was on. 

Izaya felt gleeful for the first time in weeks. His heart was pounding, adrenaline coursing through his body, and all the worries he’d had pushed to the back of his mind. Only during his chases with Shizuo did he feel truly free.

He spun around a corner street and further into the alleyways, sliding through a small nook in between two buildings. He hid there, forcing himself to calm his breathing as he watched Shizuo appear.

The blonde, now holding a streetlight, frantically looked around the alleyway. “Where are you, you fuckin’ flea?!” He demanded angrily, stomping further down the alleyway and out of sight. Even though he was out of sight, Izaya could still hear his angry pacing.

A small giggle went through the raven. “Even after all these years, he never gives up. Even though he’s never caught me. So persistent, so stubborn. My other humans would have given up by now, but not Shizu-chan. Never Shizu-chan. That’s exactly why I lo-”

Izaya froze, his hand slamming over his mouth, his eyes widening in shock and his heart pounding against his chest. “Oh my god… Oh my god…” He croaked.

His chest felt like fire as he scooted out to the opening of the nook. He peeked out, seeing Shizuo’s strong form several years away. The second he saw him, his heart started pounding. That’s when it finally hit him.

_ It’s Shizuo… _

_ I’m in love Heiwajima Shizuo… _

The pain in his body exploded even more, making Izaya cry out and fall to his knees. His fingers clawed at the ground as he felt something rising up in his stomach. He coughed and wheezed, blood splattering on the floor below him. 

He felt something solid climbing up his throat, and had no choice but to lean further towards the ground and vomit. But instead of the contents of his stomach, he was throwing up flowers. 

Not petals… Full cherry blossom flowers.

The pain in his chest, along with the shock of his realization became too much for his body to handle. With one more painful wretched of flowers, Izaya’s arms gave out, and he collapsed on the floor, and the darkness at the edges of his vision swallowed him whole. 


	4. Leaves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise Valentines Day gift to my lovely readers! Hope you all enjoy, and have a great day!

The next time Izaya woke up, it felt like his chest was on fire. Before he could even open his eyes, he fell into another painful coughing fit. He turned around on the bed, letting his head hang over the side as he vomited up another mouthful of cherry blossoms, the flowers doing their best to tear up his insides before they made their way out.

After several long, painful seconds of vomiting, Izaya’s body calmed down, and mind finally caught up with him. He slowly blinked, turning his tired gaze to look around the room.  _ I’m on a bed? But… Last thing I remember was being in an alley… That was when I realized that I love… _

That burning pain in his chest returned, making him bite his lip harshly, clutching his shirt, and holding back screams. It felt like something was growing inside his lungs, scratching at the delicate organs, and nestling deep inside of them. It hurt so bad, and he didn’t know when it would end, if it  _ could _ end.

A hand on his back startled him out of his thoughts, making him whip around to face the potential attacker. To his combined dismay and relief, it was Shinra and Celty. His friend’s eyebrows were knitted together in concern, a frown etched on his usually cheerful face. 

“Orihara-kun, are you alright?” The underground doctor asked him, eyeing the pink pile of flowers on the floor as he asked.

Izaya opened his mouth to try and answer, but all that escaped was a weak croak. He winced, his throat burning at the attempt and chest burning with pain still. He screwed his eyes tightly shut, and forced himself to take deep breaths. “Everything hurts…” He managed to say after a few seconds.

Celty reached over to the nightstand, handing Izaya a strong painkiller and water. The raven ignored the water all together, snatched the pill, and swallowed it down. He didn’t care about the gross feeling of the pill, he just wanted to stop the painful feelings in his body, and latch onto anything to help him ignore the fact it was suddenly much harder to breathe. 

After taking the pill, he pushed his shaky hands against the bed, pushing himself into a straighter sitting position. He looked at Shinra and Celty, finally realizing how odd it was that he was suddenly at their apartment. “How… How did I get here?” He managed to ask after a few deep breaths.

The underground doctor gave a nervous chuckle. “Actually, that’s a funny story,” He awkwardly said,”Well… It- It was actually Shizuo who brought you here.”

Izaya felt his heart skip for two different reasons, the first being that Shizuo had helped him when he’d been vulnerable, and the second was that Shizuo hadn’t killed him when he had the perfect opportunity. 

“W-why?” He weakly asked, wincing at the sandpaper-like feeling his throat gave him.

**[I asked him why he didn’t kill you, and he said that it wasn’t a fair fight if you were unconscious]** Celty explained, forcing the glass of water into his bloody hand in an attempt to get him to drink it.

But Izaya didn’t notice, he was too busy rereading the words she had written out, and then repeating them in his head. After going over them three times, a laugh rose up through Izaya’s sore chest. 

_ Of course, stupid protozoan… You have to show me mercy don’t you? You have mercy for everyone, even a bastard like me… A person you hate… _ The laughter quickly switched to sobs, and the raven dropped the glass onto the bed, burying his face in his hands. 

“Izaya?!” Shinra exclaimed, hurrying over to his side again. “Are you okay? Is it your chest? What’s the matter?”   
  


The sobbing informant broker sniffed, wiping away the tears on his face. “It’s Shizuo…” He answered,”It’s Shizuo… He’s the one I.. I’m in love with him…”

Shinra and Celty both froze, Shinra’s eyes widening in shock at what he just heard and Celty dropping her PDA in surprise. The underground doctor glanced at his crush, and then looked back at Izaya. “Are you absolutely sure?” He asked,”Could you have made a mistake?”

“As soon as I acknowledged that I lo…” Izaya stopped himself, grabbing his chest and taking deep breaths. “That I… Love him... The petals turned into flowers. It’s… It’s getting worse... “

The underground doctor let out a soft gasp, kneeling down and picking up one of the pink plants off the ground. Sure enough, it was a full flower, not just a petal, and they were coated with blood. “Oh no…”

Another frantic laugh escaped Izaya, his hands moving to hug himself tightly as his body shook violently. “He should have just killed me,” Izaya whispered, his eyes void of any emotions. ”He should have just snapped my neck and let me fade away…”

**[Don’t talk like that!] ** Celty angrily exclaimed, shoving the PDA in his face to try and cut off the dark thoughts he was having. ** [How can you be so sure that you are going to die?]**

Izaya turned his hysterical gaze to her. “Isn’t it obvious?!” He exclaimed,”I’m in love with Shizuo Heiwajima, and he fucking hates me! Never in a million years would he love me back, not after all these years, not after everything I’ve done to him and others. I’m a dead man walking.”

“Stop it!” Shinra frantically said, obviously freaked out by the way his friend was talking. ”Please don’t talk like that! I won’t let you die, Orihara-kun! You’re my friend, remember? We- We can figure something else out!”

Izaya didn’t respond, instead lowering his eyes and letting out a sigh that sounded more like a wheeze. He nodded his head the slightest bit, but it was obvious from his downtrodden expression that he didn’t have much hope.

The underground doctor noticed his friend’s distress right away and reached out, placing his hand on Izaya’s. “I want you to stay here for a few days, doctors orders,” He declared,”I need to monitor this change and… I’d prefer it if you were close… Just for a little while.”

Izaya looked at his one and only friend, at Celty, and then lowered his head once more and weakly whispered,”Okay…”

\-- -- -- -- -- -- -- 

Celty stared at the chatroom feed quietly, watching the messages pop up and push old ones higher up the screen. Despite the fact she was logged into the room, she never typed anything, her mind was elsewhere. She couldn’t stop thinking about the guest in her and Shinra’s apartment, and her mixed feelings about the predicament he was in.

After a while of staring at her keyboard in vain, the Dullahan finally gave up and left the chatroom. She closed the laptop and got up, stretching out her sore limbs as she walked towards the balcony. It was too late for a ride, but she still desperately needed some fresh air.

Walking through the dark living room, she noticed that the sliding door was partially open, and a familiar figure was already out on the balcony, staring out at the city. After a moment of apprehension, she walked up to the glass door, giving a slight knock to catch the person’s attention.

Turning to face her, Celty got a better view of the exhausted looking Izaya. The bags under his eyes were painfully obvious, and there was some fresh blood running down his chin. She didn’t try to point it out, he knew it was there.

He nodded at her, somehow hearing her unasked question about if she could join him, and turned back to look at the city around them. After a moment of hesitation, Celty decided to take his invitation, and moved to lean next to him on the balcony. 

They stayed there for a long time, the cold wind blowing around them, and neither person having the courage to speak. It wasn’t completely silent, though, because Izaya was still hacking up the cherry blossoms every few minutes. 

Celty looked down at the balcony, and cringed at the sight of the bloody flowers at his feet.  _ It had to be painful, right?  _ She wondered. _ Flowers growing in his lungs, it’s almost like some kind of magic. But what purpose does it serve?  _

Being a magical being herself, the Dulluhan was confused at what the benefit of making someone die from suffocating on flowers was. Even though she wasn’t what humans normally thought of when they imagined a fairy, her powers still served a purpose, to move souls to the afterlife?  _ What is Hanahaki supposed to do? Make people suffer? _

Feeling the awkward tension between them, Celty decided to be the one to break it. She typed out a message for the raven, and held it out to him.  **[How did you know? What made you realize you are in love with Shizuo?]** She asked.

Izaya read it over, his cheeks turning pink with blush. “I… Well, I guess it just hit me out of nowhere…” He said,”I was just thinking about how much I pester him, no matter how many times we chase each other, he’s never given up on catching me… He’s been the constant in the chaos, and I guess I love him for it…”

He cringed in pain, the hand on his chest tightening as a few more coughs escaped him, some petals landing in his waiting palm. He stared at them with an emotionless gaze, before dropping them into the pile with the rest of them. 

“Is it…” He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his ink black hair, letting it slide down and rub against the back of his neck as he turned to her. “Does that seem weird?”

Celty could barely hold back her surprise at the expression on his face. Izaya looked extremely nervous and insecure, but she understood why. Though he was an amazing informant broker, love was something far out of his jurisdiction.

**[Some people will probably think it’s weird, but I personally don’t think so]** She replied easily.  **[I would be a hypocrite if I said your persistence towards Shizuo is weird, considering Shinra has been that way with me for twenty years and I’m still here.]**

Izaya gave a weak laugh in return to her words, but his face quickly turned into a frown. “But… You two never hated each other…” He said,”Shizuo hated me from the second he laid eyes on me.”

**[How can you know for sure?] ** Celty questioned suspiciously.

The raven gave a weary grin, and replied,”Because the first thing he said to me when we met was ‘You piss me off’”

Oh, well that would do it. Celty thought to herself, but she still felt the need to push further.  **[Did you say anything that would have pissed him off?]** She asked.

“I hadn’t even spoken yet! Shinra and I watched him beat some people up with a metal pole, and I clapped, and then Shinra introduced me!” Izaya quickly exclaimed. 

**[Well that’s what you did wrong, you shouldn’t have clapped. Shizuo hates violence, you know that.]** Celty replied.

Izaya turned his annoyed gaze to her. “How was I supposed to know that back then?” He asked,”I had no clue he existed until Shinra introduced us. I was impressed, I clapped, and then we became mortal enemies.”

Once again, Celty could see Izaya’s point. It seemed that both of them simply flipped the coin, hoping for heads, but got tails. Izaya was impressed and wanted to compliment Shizuo, but inadvertently insulted him. Shizuo impulsively told Izaya that the raven pissed him off, which started their feud. 

**[You do realize that if you want to live, you’re going to have to apologize for all the things you did.] ** She told him, and when she saw him about to reply, quickly added  **[I know that Shizuo has done some shitty things too, but you need to be the one to open the door. Shizuo is too stubborn to do it, just like you said.]**

“I know, I know…” Izaya replied, turning his saddened gaze back to the illuminated city in front of them. “But he’ll never accept it, he’ll think it’s some kind of trick.”

Once again, he was right, but Celty had been thinking of that too.  **[Then start smaller. Maybe you could…]** She snapped her fingers, quickly continuing her message.  **[Why don’t you thank him for bringing you to Shinra? Maybe buy him some Russian Sushi, that seems like a good place to start!]**

Izaya cringed again, looking nauseous as he once again lurched forward and vomited up another pile of bloody cherry blossoms. They gently fluttered down towards the city below them, vanishing into the darkness.

He looked up at her, wiping the blood off his face, and staring at the streak of it on his hand. “It couldn’t hurt to try,” He softly declared. He knew he couldn’t be picky, not when the alternative was death.

\-- -- -- -- -- -- --

The air smelt foul, so foul that Shizuo swore it was burning his nose. The odor had been in the air since the beginning of the day, and he knew exactly what was causing it. The flea… It had to be, where else would it come from?

It was irritating Shizuo so much he almost wanted to march straight up to Shinra’s apartment, kick the door down, and kill the louse right there…. But his damned conscience wouldn’t let him.

No matter how much the flea drove him crazy, he couldn’t kill Izaya when he was obviously sick. No matter how slimy and underhanded the informant broker was, Shizuo believed in having a fair fight. 

_ Plus, seeing Izaya like that was… Weird.  _ He thought to himself, cringing at the memory. Izaya was always standing tall and prideful, even after Shizuo hit him with something as heavy as a vending machine. To see the flea unconscious on the ground, with blood running down his chin, looking very weak… It threw him off. 

He hated the flea, he absolutely hated him… But he was still just a human. Shizuo tried to ignore it, but seeing it face to face left him feeling conflicted… And he hated it. He hoped Izaya got better soon, that way he could go back to trying to chase him out of Ikebukuro or kill him.

Shizuo sighed, trying to calm down his irritation. _ It’s my day off for fucks sake! I can’t let the stupid flea ruin it when he’s not even here!  _ He told himself.  _ Just go get some food, go home, and enjoy your day off! _

But just as his rage calmed down, he felt a familiar presence behind him. He quickly spun around, and saw the very flea he had just been thinking about standing in the front of an alleyway. 

He was wearing a baggy black sweater, wrinkled pants, his hair was much messier than normal, and he looked skinner and paler than normal. He was teetering on his feet, as if the slightest breeze would knock him over. To put it bluntly, the flea looked like shit… But somehow, he still managed to piss Shizuo off.

His lip curled up in a snarl, he let out an angry growl, and stalked towards the flea. Once he was mere inches from the raven, he reached out for the nearby trash can, all his concerned and peaceful thoughts from before thrown out of the window as his rage took over. “I-zaaa-” 

Izaya quickly held his empty hands up, his expression holding none of the sadistic glee it usually did. “Wait!” He nervously said,”I don’t want to fight, I just want to talk.”

Shizuo froze up, lowering the trash can, and raising his eyebrows. He had not expected that at all. He quickly grew suspicious, and demanded,”Why? What are you trying to get out of me, flea?”

“N-nothing! I don’t want anything, I just wanted to thank you,” The raven quickly declared. 

This only served to confuse the debt collector even more, which he didn’t think was possible. “Thank me?” He questioned aloud,”Thank me for what?” 

“For taking me to Shinra’s,” Izaya calmly said, even though his eyes showed the true anxiety he held. “You could have left me in the alley for any of my enemies to find me, but you didn’t. I owe you one for that.”

Shizuo scoffed, and rolled his eyes. “Yeah you do,” He sneered,”You could make it up to me by leaving Ikebukuro and going back to Shinjuku right now!”

Izaya cringed, and quickly shook his head. “I can’t do that, not right now,” He said,”I’m still sick, so Shinra isn’t letting me leave. He won’t even let me work, he hid my phones, all six of them.”

“Then go away and stop bothering me!” Shizuo snapped,”You’re welcome, sure, but I don’t give a shit otherwise. Just leave me alone.” He set the vending machine down and turned around, wanting to get away before Izaya whipped out a switchblade from one of his fifty billion secret pockets and attacked him with it.

But the stupid flea was annoying persistent, and followed after him. “Wait, Shizuo, it’s your day off, right?” He asked, his voice quick and nervous and Shizuo didn’t understand why. 

“What’s it to you, flea?” He demanded, growing irritated again. How did Izaya know it was his day off? Was he a criminal  _ and _ a stalker? 

It seemed that the flea noticed his irritation, as he calmly replied,”Simon’s mentioned a few times that you always come in on your day off. I can’t leave Ikebukuro, but I can pay for your food if you’d like?”   
  


Shizuo narrowed his eyes. “That doesn’t seem like a fair trade for saving your annoying ass, flea,” He said.

“It’s something, and it’s the best I can do right now,” Izaya countered,”Do you want the money or not?”

  
The debt collector weighed his options carefully. Would Izaya poison the money? Or maybe he had already gotten the sushi made and poisoned it, or maybe he was going to slip in and poison it while Shizuo waited?

Still, the idea of saving money was tempting since his paycheck still wouldn’t come in for another two weeks… And if the flea was trying anything, Simon wouldn’t let him, and Shizuo would be able to tell… “Fine,” He eventually said, holding out his hand. “Give me the money here and then get the fuck out of my sight.”

If Shizuo didn’t know the flea better, he would have sworn that the flea looked relieved and happy by his agreement. No, it had to be a trick, he didn’t think the flea was able to feel happy unless others were in pain.

“Great, how much is it?” Izaya asked, pulling out his wallet and pulling out some bills.

Before Shizuo could come up with the amount, a strong arm suddenly pulled him and Izaya into a tight hug. Both men let out surprised noises, turning to look up at the person who would dare grab the two most dangerous men in Ikebukuro.

It was, of course, Simon. He grinned down at them as if nothing was wrong. “I-za-ya, Shi-zu-o! Getting along?” He asked,”Sushi friends now?”

“Hell no!” Shizuo angrily snapped, struggling in the Russian man’s tight grip. 

Simon raised an eyebrow curiously. “Oh? Why talk and no fighting then?” He asked curiously.

“Because I’m sick, Simon, that’s the only reason!” Izaya quickly said, and Shizuo noticed that his face was covered in a pink blush. He didn’t blame the flea, honestly, having Simon hold them like they were babies was indeed very embarrassing. 

The Russian man gave Izaya a concerned look, and then his face brightened up as if the best idea ever popped into his head. “Sushi help I-za-ya!” He cheerfully declared,”Let’s go right now, eat sushi together!”

Shizuo started fighting even harder. “I’m not eating sushi with the flea, he was going to pay for it and leave me alone, and that’s all that I want to happen!” He snapped.

“Y-yeah, and I can always order delivery, Simon,” Izaya said, and then in a smaller voice added,”Please put me down…”

Simon only groaned in response. “Pay back  _ and  _ delivery? Why go through trouble?” He asked,”We’ll go together, sushi will be on discount, and we’ll kill two stones with one bird!”

Izaya kicked his legs out in vain. “That’s not even the saying, Simon! Put us down right now!!” He cried out, to no avail.

Shizuo and Izaya were both unable to break free of the man’s hold, and could only grumble occasionally as they were dragged towards the sushi store. And because they were stuck against Simon’s shoulders, they weren’t able to see him discreetly give a thumbs up towards a neary alleyway. 

At the end of that alleyway, having been witness to the whole event, Celty gave the Russian man a thumbs up back, and rode away before Izaya or Shizuo caught sight of her. 


	5. Petals

Izaya stared down at his plate of sushi, admiring its beauty. He poked it with a chopstick, marveling at the structural integrity of the food. Simon must have gotten some good supplies, especially the fish, it looked fresh and delicious. _ Why haven’t I eaten this yet? _

An angry sigh from across from him reminded him why. Shizuo Heiwajima was sitting across from him, glaring down at his own plate with such ferocity that Izaya was surprised the sushi hadn’t been burnt to a crisp.

“This is bullshit…” Shizuo grumbled under his breath, stabbing one of Simon’s new experimental sushi recipes with his new chopsticks. Instantly the weak, wooden sticks gave up on life and splintered into pieces. The man growled and tossed the splintered remains next to the six previous victims, and grabbed another packet to try once more.

“My _ one _ day off and I have to spend it with the fuckin’ flea… I hate this…” Shizuo grumbled, not even trying to be quiet about his displeasure. 

The raven across from him winced, a pain running through his chest at those cruel words. He nudged one of his fatty tunas with his own chopsticks, his appetite completely overridden by the anxiety churning in his stomach.

The tension in the room was so thick that Izaya doubted even his switchblade could cut through it. Every move he made was closely watched by the debt collector, from moving his chopsticks to scratching his itchy nose. It was extremely uncomfortable, and Izaya had no idea how to fix it.

_ Say something! _ His mind yelled at him. _ This might be your only chance to talk with him civilly, and your life depends on it! _

He gulped, closing his chopsticks around his fatty tuna and lifting it off the plate. “So…” He started slowly. “How… How was your day?”

Shizuo froze in his movements, his narrowed eyes glaring at the raven. “Why the fuck are you asking, you stupid flea?!” He demanded viciously.

Izaya quickly held his hands up defensively and exclaimed,”It was just a question! I was just trying to break the silence!”

“Well it’s a stupid fuckin’ question,” Shizuo snarled back.

Unable to bury his irritation, Izaya narrowed his eyes at the man. “Well can you think of anything better to ask?” He demanded.

The blonde scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I can think of one,” He declared, and pointed his chopsticks at Izaya. “Why are you trying so hard to make this work?”

“Eh?” The raven questioned.

“Do you have some new plan to ruin my life? Is that why you’re trying to make this work? Try to earn my trust and then destroy it in some kind of long con? It’s not going to work!” Shizuo angrily said.

The anger in their air sent panic through Izaya. He quickly shook his head. “No! That’s not it!” He exclaimed,”I’m just trying to be civil! Being not-civil is why Simon dragged us here in the first place, remember?”

Shizuo seemed both confused and frustrated, his chopsticks snapping in his fingers once again. He growled and tossed them away. “Fine. Fine. Fine!” He growled, his hand slamming on the table. “My day was fantastic, until _ you _ showed up. You always ruin my day you stupid fucking flea.”

A burst of pain exploded in Izaya’s chest, forcing him to lurch forward his hands as a violent coughing fit ripped through his body. For over thirty seconds the pain burned through him, blood dripping through his fingers and cherry blossom flowers landing in his hand.

When the cough fit finally ceased, Izaya lowered his hand (keeping it faced towards himself) and cringed at the bloody flowers in his palm. He hurriedly lowered his hand, shoving the flowers in his fur coat’s pocket before Shizuo could see them.

What he couldn’t hide was the blood that now dripped from his pale lips and hung off the edge of his chin. When he looked back up at the object of his affection, Shizuo was staring at him in surprise.

“Oh, so you weren't faking being sick?” Shizuo queried.

“No, I’ve been sick for a while…” Izaya admitted, and then quickly added,”It’s not contagious, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Shizuo relaxed the slightest bit at his words, and then squirmed in his seat. After a second, he grabbed the cloth that his chopsticks had been wrapped in and tossed it at Izaya. “For your face,” He grunted.

Izaya easily caught it, and felt a rush of affection at the man’s actions. The more logical part of his brain abdomished his feelings. It was a napkin, that was it, it didn’t mean anything. But it was one of the first actions Shizuo made towards him that wasn’t spurred by violent hatred, so he held onto it.

“Thank you…” He whispered, and quickly wiped the blood off of his chin. Once his face was clean again, he kept it wadded up in his free hand. He hoped that he wouldn’t cough up any more flowers, especially when Shizuo was right across from him, but the pain in his chest kept him alert.

Shizuo scoffed, stabbing his sushi with a broken chopstick. “It’s just a napkin, don’t be annoying.” He stuffed the fish into his mouth, and spoke around the food. “A stupid cold isn’t gonna kill you, I’m the only one allowed to do that.”

_ This ‘stupid cold’ is because of you, Shizu-chan! _ He wanted to scream. _ You are the reason I’m dying! _ But he held his tongue, and forced one of his normal smirks onto his face and waved his hand dismissively.

“Don’t worry Shizuo, Shinra has me on medication.” _ He doesn’t. _ “I’ll be fine in a few weeks.” _ I won’t be. _ “Then you can go back to hating me.” _ Please don’t. _

Shizuo’s eyes narrowed. “I still hate you,” He quickly replied,”I’m only doing this so Simon will let us leave.”

As if he had been summoned, Simon slid the door open and eagerly plopped several new platters of sushi on the table between them. “More sushi! Sushi makes friends!” He boomed loudly, so loudly that Izaya saw the customers at the sushi bar jolt in surprise.

He looked down at the platter, and cringed as he saw a strange crunchy looking piece of sushi. “Uh… What’s that?” He questioned, pointing his chopstick at the food like it would explode.

“Lucky Charms sushi!” Simon supplied helpfully.

“Lucky_ what? _” Izaya echoed.

“American cereal! Leprechaun! Sweet marshmallow! Good with sushi!” Simon cheerfully replied, and motioned to the disgusting experiment again. “Try! Try!”

Izaya and Shizuo locked eyes for a quick second. Despite their status as enemies, they would do anything to not eat that sushi. They needed to think fast.

The raven quickly pulled the cloth back out, forcing a few more coughs out of his aching chest for good measure. “Sorry Simon,” He tiredly replied,”I’m still pretty sick, Shinra wants me to eat healthy things only, I don’t think an American cereal with marshmallows fits the bill.”

Simon stopped his hurried hand movements, a thoughtful look climbing up his face. “That is true…” He agreed, and then perked up again. “But Shizuo can?”

Shizuo opened his mouth to speak, but Izaya kept going. “After hanging out with me? Simon he might get sick! Shizu-chan's immune system isn’t like his body, so he needs to keep his diet healthy right now!” Izaya improvised, the words rolling off his tongue as if they were true.

Their russian friend nodded again, but then his smile turned into a sour frown. “But who will try Lucky Charms sushi?” He sadly asked.

This time, the blonde debt collector spoke up. “Why not ask Kadota? He’s here all the time, he could do a taste test for you,” He suggested.

The giant man brightened considerably at the suggestion. “Yes! Great idea! Thank you, Shi-zu-o! Will serve Kadota next time!” He grabbed the plate of disgustingly sweet sushi, slid the door shut, and hurried away.

When the sound of Simon’s footsteps started to fade, both Izaya and Shizuo sighed in relief. The threat of the monstrosity that the man had created was gone. After a few seconds of tense silence, Izaya let out a small chuckle.

“That was quick thinking,” He remarked with an amused, but hesitant grin. “But I don’t think that Dota-chin will appreciate it very much.”

Shizuo shrugged, unable to keep the small twitch of a smile from appearing on his mouth. “Eh, he’ll live,” He grunted, shoving one of the non-experimental sushis into his mouth.

Izaya turned his eyes back down to his own food, the warmth in his heart burning fiercer. The hostility around them faded away, and Izaya felt like he could finally breathe. He wondered if maybe now was the time to bring up his suggestion that they stop fighting.

But he knew he couldn’t just suggest a truce out of nowhere, there’s no way that Shizuo would believe it. He needed to start small, work his way up to it. If he took it slow and was patient, he would get there eventually.

He took a deep breath, steeled himself, and then whispered,”Do you think that… Things could have been like this if we hadn’t started off on the wrong foot?”

The second the words left him, Shizuo’s whole body froze. He looked up at Izaya, his brown eyes a sea of emotion Shizuo couldn’t understand. He stared at Izaya for a painfully long time, before he finally managed to find words. “Why would you ask me something like that?”

The raven frowned in confusion. “W-what?” 

“Why… Are you asking that?” Shizuo demanded,”You hate me, I hate you. We did from the moment we met, it’s been that way for years, why would you ask me something like that out of nowhere?”

Izaya gulped, panic starting to overwhelm his already stressed body. “Shizuo, I-”

Shizuo suddenly slammed his hands down on the table, making Izaya jump in surprise. “Oh wait, I know! This is a trick! You’ve probably got all of this planned out, huh? You’ll try and become my friend, get me to let my guard down, and then you’ll destroy everything I love. Maybe you’ll try and get some insane person to attack me or my brother! Is that what you’ll do?!”

At Izaya’s terrified expression, the man hit the table again, the wood splintering. “ANSWER ME!”

“No, no, no! I-It’s nothing like that! I- I swear!” He exclaimed.

A loud growl interrupted his tumbling words. “Then what is it, flea?!” 

Izaya froze, his blood feeling like ice in his veins, the flower petals in his pocket as heavy as fifty pound weights. What should he say? How was he supposed to tell someone who hated him more than anything that Izaya’s life depended on Shizuo falling in love with him?

Shizuo took his silence as guilt, and let out a resentful scoff. “I knew it, I always knew it.” He said slowly, his hands sliding down and grabbing the edge of the table. Suddenly, with a loud yell, he flipped the table and sent it crashing against Izaya.

The raven cried out in shock as food, drinks, and splintered pieces of wood hit him with force. Once the table tumbled off of him, Izaya pressed himself against the wall and struggled to keep himself from passing out.

But Shizuo wasn’t done, the man rose to his full height and pointed an angry finger at Izaya. “You can’t trick me, flea! You may act all high and mighty but I still know you better than anyone! You’re manipulative, and selfish, and sadistic, and nothing but a horrible monster! You can try these silly plans all you want, they won’t work! I FUCKING HATE YOU!”

Before Izaya could even react, an explosion of pain burst through his whole body. It felt as if he was being torn apart from the inside by a chainsaw. His lungs felt constricted, his heart frantically beating to try and keep him alive.

He gasped for air, hunching forward and clawing at the tatami mats as his wheezing became more and more pronounced. Soon after violent coughing tore through his body, blood splattering on the floor under him.

He could for what felt like an eternity before the need to vomit suddenly rose up in him. With no choice, he threw up piles of bloody, pink, flowers. When the fit finally stopped, he found that his chest felt much tighter, his blood stained the floor and his hands, and he felt like he was going to pass out.

Izaya took several weak breaths, gritting his teeth to stop himself from crying, from either heartbreak of the pain, maybe even both._ It’s getting worse… If this keeps up… I’m going to die… Whatever’s happening inside of me is spreading. It won’t be long before I... _

But the feeling of a burning gaze on him pulled Izaya from his thoughts. He blinked several times to force the fuzzy edges around his vision to leave, and lifted his heavy head to where he felt the gaze.

It was Shizuo. He hadn’t left yet, his hand still holding the sliding door in a position that showed he was just about to open it. Which, to Izaya’s horrified realization, meant that he had seen everything that just occured. 

His brown eyes were wide with shock, flickering between Izaya’s face and the blood and flower covered floor before his gaze finally rested on Izaya’s hunched and shivering form as if he didn’t know how to react. Then, his hand dropped from the door, and he took a few hesitant steps forward.

“Flea… What the fuck is happening to you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoy, please comment and let me know! Comments really encourage me to keep writing!


	6. Thorns

“Flea… What the fuck is happening to you?”

Izaya was paralyzed with fear as Shizuo’s eyes bored into his soul, demanding an answer to the muttered question. Pain and fear mixed together, leaving the raven’s mind a jumbled ball of yarn that he couldn’t pull a single string out of.

He turned his bloodshot eyes down to the blood splattered on the floor as his arms wrapped around himself, not even coming close to the comfort he craved. For several long, painful seconds Izaya continued to stare at the pile of flowers, not even trying to answer the blonde.

_ Please go away, Shizuo… _ He begged. _ Don’t make me explain this, don’t take away the little hope I have left… Please… _

But out of the corner of his vision he could see that Shizuo didn’t move, he stayed where he was without even a twitch of impatience. He waited for an answer from Izaya, and the informant broker knew just how stubborn he was. 

Izaya let out a shaky sigh, his arms tightening around his burning chest. “Weren’t you going to leave?” He questioned in a tired, croaky voice.

“I was going to, but that was before _ that _happened,” Shizuo replied testily. 

The raven bit his bloodied lip, knowing he wasn’t going to get out of the room without giving an answer. What was he supposed to say? Should he lie and risk being caught in it by the blonde, or should he tell the truth and risk being called a liar? He felt like a rat in a glue trap.

He chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment before he tersely replied,”No matter what I say, you won’t believe me.”

“You don’t know that,” The blonde responded.

“Oh, I think I do,” Izaya sneered back.

“Try me, flea,” Shizuo challenged.

Irritation flowed over Izaya in an instant, his head snapping upwards to glare at the other man. “Why do you even care?!” He demanded. “Just a second ago you said, and I quote, that you “fucking hate me”. You threw a table at me!”

Shizuo quickly looked away. “I’ve thrown worse things at you-”

“That’s not the point of this conversation, protozoan!” Izaya interrupted, ignoring the twitch of annoyance that passed across Shizuo’s face at the hated nickname. “Why should I tell you anything when you won’t even believe me, or care? Why can’t you just accept that I’m sick and leave?”

Shizuo motioned with his tense hands to the pile of cherry blossoms on top of the blood. “I know what I saw, flea, that isn’t just some cold! Where the hell did those come from?” He demanded. 

Izaya thought quickly, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out the bloodied petals to show him. “I hid them in my coat to mess with you,” He fibbed.

“No you didn’t,” Shizuo quickly said. “You coughed earlier and then put your hand in your pocket, to make sure I didn’t see you coughing them up.”

The raven let out a frustrated growl and threw his hands down in anger. “Oh _ come on! _Why do you have to figure out how to be observant now?!” He snapped, and then pinched the bridge of his nose as he sighed again. “Fine, yes, I am coughing them up. I have Hanahaki, is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Hana... Haki?” Shizuo echoed,”What is that? Sounds made up.”

Another burst of pain in his chest had Izaya lean forward again, coughing into his shaking hands as more flowers ripped their way through his body and into his waiting hands. Izaya didn’t even care to try and hide anymore, he opened his hands and let them join the pile.

“I wish it was,” Izaya whispered,”But it’s not, that’s why Shinra has been keeping me close. At first it was petals, but now I’m throwing up full flowers. I’m going to die unless I can-” He stopped himself.

Shizuo’s frown deepened, his eyes looking down at the flower pile and then back up at Izaya. “Unless you can what?” He demanded.

His mind spun again, and Izaya cursed himself for opening up so easily. But now that he started, he knew Shizuo wasn’t going to let it go. Slowly, he continued,”It’s a love disease… I’m going to die… Unless I can get a specific person that I’m in love with to truly love me back.”

Izaya’s raspy words hung in the air for a painful amount of time, the only sound becoming the noise of his weak breathing.

After he finally registered the declaration, Shizuo tilted his head, and asked,”_ You’re _… In love with someone?”

The raven let out a hate-filled chuckle, which was quickly stopped by the twinge of pain in his chest. “I’ve fallen in love… Crazy, huh?” A tired smile appeared on his face. “I never thought I was capable of loving an individual human more than others, and yet here I am.”

Shizuo looked confused, and his gaze unconsciously turned back toward the flowers. “And if they don’t love you back then you’ll die?” He repeated Izaya's earlier words. 

"The flowers will keep growing inside of me, and eventually kill me," Izaya replied, keeping his voice as neutral as possible when discussing his own death. "Most likely I'll choke on my own blood or suffocate on these damned flowers" 

Shizuo's eyes widened slightly, likely from the thought of such a gruesome death. He exchanged more confused glances from the flowers to Izaya, and then ran a hand through his blonde hair. "I don't get it. If you're telling the truth, then why are you wasting your time here?" 

Izaya, lowered his head, closed his eyes, and tensed up. He knew what was about to happen. 

"If you're going to die unless this person loves you, then why don't you go and try to get them to love you instead of spending time with…." Shizuo's voice trailed off as realization dawned on him. "With… Me…"

Izaya squeezed his eyes shut tighter and waited. He waited to hear Shizuo's screams, his insults, to have more things thrown at him until he was just a bloody pulp. But, none of that happened. 

Instead, he heard the sound of a door sliding open, footsteps, a door sliding shut, and then silence. When he opened his eyes, the room was empty. Shizuo had left without a single word. 

Somehow, that felt even worse. 

His breath hitched, and a spiteful chuckle rose up from his lungs. "Ha… Stupid, stupid, what did I think would happen?" He asked himself as he rose to his feet. "Shizu-chan is too good for me, he'll never love me. I'm gonna die…" 

He half-heartedly wiped the blood from his face and stumbled out of the sushi restaurant, not even paying attention to the questions Simon worriedly sent his way. 

Izaya's mind was a mess, but he knew one thing for certain. He didn't want to go back to Shinra's. He wanted to be alone. 

He walked all the way back to Shinjuku in a daze, and didn't stop until he reached his apartment building. He fumbled with his lock, and eventually managed to calm his shaking hands enough to open the door. 

Once inside, all the emotions buried within him started to come out again. He leaned back against the wall and slid down, choked sobs escaping from his weak body. 

Izaya wasn't sure how long he sat there, sobbing his heart out before his breath caught and he hunched forward again and vomited out a splatter of bloody flowers. 

His chest ached, his chest _ burned. _He wanted the pain to go away, but he knew it was impossible. The only person who could stop the pain had walked away without a word. 

With a raspy wheeze, Izaya forced himself back onto unsteady feet and stumbled over to the fridge. Pulling it open, he was greeted by the delicious sight of several bottles of wine. 

He grabbed the nearest one, pulling off the top and chugging the sharp tasting liquid as fast as he could without choking. 

Izaya couldn't get rid of the pain, but he could dull it. 

\-- -- -- -- -- -- 

Shizuo sat in Tom's apartment, his face buried in his hands as constant groans of confusion were muffled by his palms. 

Tom sat next to him, rubbing Shizuo's shoulders in an attempt to comfort his kouhai. Even then, the confusion on his face was more than obvious. 

He couldn't help but be confused, Shizuo thought. After all, he had barged into his senior's house without warning and then proceeded to vent to him the whole story of what he had just gone through. 

By the end he felt like he was drained of all his energy, and relied on Tom's presence to keep him from freaking out again. 

"Are you _ sure _ he wasn't lying?" Tom asked his close friend. "Absolutely sure?" 

The blonde bodyguard let out another bundle of pained noise before he dropped his hands and replied,"I don't know! I don't think he was!" 

Tom shrugged. "He's faked before Shizuo, remember how he got you fired from the bar?" He reminded the younger man. 

Shizuo jerked to his feet, and motioned to the floor. "He was vomiting flowers, senpai! Right in front of me! There was so much blood and- and I've never seen him in so much pain!" 

He paced back and forth. "And he never tried to convince me of anything. He tried to make me leave when I asked, and then lied about the Hanahaki's source. He didn't want me to find out that he was in love with me… But why?" He asked aloud. 

Tom scratched at his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe his plan wasn't ready yet?" He carefully suggested. 

Shizuo instantly dismissed the idea. "Izaya isn't reckless, he never rushed things. If his plan wasn't ready he wouldn't have purposefully come to find me." He explained,"I don't think he planned on Simon dragging us into the store for sushi, that might be why he was so frazzled." 

"Frazzled?" Tom echoed with a tone of amusement. "I never thought that someone would describe Orihara Izaya like that…"

The blonde debt collector grimaced. In his opinion, frazzled was probably the most kind way to describe Izaya and his awful appearance. 

"He doesn't look like himself, senpai. His eyes were all red, he was so damn skinny, and he was just a mess. He didn't eat any of that fatty tuna, and normally he's willing to risk me catching him for some of it…" He listed, trailing off only when he noticed that Tom was staring at him with a peculiar expression. 

When he stopped and looked at the man, the expression didn't fade. So, with a concerned frown, he asked,"What is it, senpai?" 

Tom hesitated for a moment, and seemed to carefully choose his next words. "It sort of seems to me, Shizuo, that you might actually be worried about Izaya," He declared. 

Instantly, Shizuo let out a scoff. "What?! No, senpai that's not it," He denied,"I hate Izaya! I want him to die, remember?" 

"If you really want him to die then why are you getting so worked up about this?" Tom questioned him. 

Shizuo opened his mouth to retort, but found that he had nothing to say. He clicked his mouth shut, and glared at a random floorboard. "I don't know…" He grumbled. 

Tom reached out to the blonde, giving him a comforting pat on his shoulder. "Listen, Shizuo. I don't particularly trust or like Izaya, but I think it might do you some good to talk to him about all of this," He suggested. 

"Why _ him? _" Shizuo growled. "I came to your apartment so I wouldn't have to talk to him, senpai!" 

The older man gave a neutral glance. "Yes I know. But if Izaya is telling the truth about all this, then it means that you ditched him right after he poured out his heart to you," Tom pointed out. 

Shizuo cringed as the memory of Izaya's small, hunched form in his mind. "Oh…" He muttered. 

"And if he's lying then you'll figure it out. You always catch onto his schemes, Shizuo," Tom reminded him. "And, in the end, the only people who can solve this problem are you and him. Sooner or later you'll have to talk to him." 

_ And considering how Izaya said this disease worked, it would have to be sooner. _Shizuo thought grimly,

He weighed his options for a moment, and then decided that he didn't really have a choice. "You're right senpai. I'll go talk to him right now, might as well get it out of the way." He gave his senior a small smile. "Thank you, you always seem to know what to say." 

"That's what a senpai is for!" Tom called after him. "Make sure to keep me updated so I know you're safe!" 

Shizuo grunted in agreement as he left the apartment. He made his way back to Russian Sushi and then headed in the direction of Shizuo's apartment. 

_ Izaya is probably there. _ He decided as he recalled Izaya telling him that Shinra wanted to keep Izaya in Ikebukuro because of his cold. He snorted at the thought. _ "Cold" my ass, the louse is fucking dying! _

The sound of a familiar bike pulled him from his thoughts. He turned around just in time for Celty to slow to a stop in front of him. She quickly pulled out her phone and began to type.

"Sorry Celty, I can't right now, I have to go somewhere…" He began. 

**[Where's Izaya?] **Celty pushed the small screen up to his face.

Shizuo frowned instantly, and moved his head away from the phone so he could see her. "I thought he was at your place?" 

Celty shook her helmet. **[He said he was going to come and talk...]** She hesitated, and then continued. **[Simon about sushi discounts, and have some sushi while he did it, and-] **

"I know about the Hanahaki, Celty," Shizuo bluntly declared. 

The dulluhan stopped typing at once, her shoulders tensed up in surprise. She quickly erased her last message, her fingers flew, and then she held out the phone again.** [He told you?!] **

The blonde gave a firm nod. "He told me about the flowers, and how if I don't fall in love with him then he'll die." 

**[He said he wouldn't tell you!] **

Shizuo frowned. "He did? Why?" He knew he should probably ask Izaya himself, but he was desperate for any information he could get. 

His close friend hesitated, her fingers hovered above the keypad for several seconds before she finally answered. **[When it first happened, he didn't want to tell you. When I asked why, he said he didn't want you to feel like you had no choice but to love him. He didn't want you to feel obligated to help him.] **

"Oh…" Shizuo whispered in response, his eyes wide in surprise. Izaya's reasoning was actually very noble, which surprised and annoyed him. It did nothing but make his mixed feelings even more confusing. 

Feeling like he had to be honest, Shizuo scuffed the ground with his shoe as he said,"Well he didn't _ want _to tell me. He threw up a lot of flowers, and I saw. I didn't leave him alone until he told me. Once I found out everything I… I left." 

Celty's jolted in shock. 

"I know! It was stupid, but I needed to clear my head. I went and talked to Tom, and he knocked some sense into me," Shizuo quickly continued,"He's right, this situation won't be fixed unless I talk to Izaya." 

The woman relaxed, seemingly relieved by his words.** [It's really nice to hear that Shizuo]** Celty said. 

It was Shizuo's turn to be surprised. "So… You are on Izaya's side for this?" He asked. 

Celty's shoulders slumped, as if she was letting out a large sigh**. [Shizuo you should see him at Shinra's. He was sitting on the balcony with a blanket and he just looked so hopeless.]** She explained. ** [I know he's done a lot of shady things, but seeing him trying to make it so you didn't feel trapped… I think there is some good in him deep down.]**

Shizuo frowned, he was still on the fence about a lot of things. But he trusted Celty, and her judgement. Perhaps she was right, but he wanted to see for himself. 

Turning his eyes to the city, he mused aloud. "Well then if he's not with me and not with you… Could he have gone back to Shinjuku?" 

**[Considering his condition, that seems like the safest option]** Celty agreed. ** [How about you check there, and then I'll go tell Shinra what's going on.] **

Shizuo nodded firmly. "Sounds good, I'll keep you posted." He promised. 

His best friend nodded, slipping her phone back down her sleeve and then quickly riding away with a loud neigh. Shizuo watched her go, and then switched directions again. This time, toward Shinjuku. 

\-- -- -- -- -- -- 

The sun was starting to set by the time he arrived, and as soon as he got to Izaya's door, Shizuo could feel apprehension building up like a stone in his stomach. 

He walked up to the door and rapped his knuckles against the door a few times, only for the door to creep open. 

The blonde frowned. Had Izaya forgotten to close the door so it could lock? In all the times Shizuo had stormed to the raven's apartment looking for a fight, that had never occured. 

The stone in his stomach growing heavier, Shizuo crept into the apartment and looked around. It was so quiet that he could almost hear his own blood rushing. 

Then, in the fading light, he noticed a bright one. It was the fridge, hanging wide open in the fancy kitchen. Someone was here, that was sure. 

He walked over to the kitchen, and jolted in surprise at a figure on the floor, illuminated by the light. He frowned in concern, crept closer to them, and knelt down on the kitchen floor. In the weak light from the fridge, he recognized the face.

"Izaya!" He exclaimed, standing up and pawing around in the dark until he found the light switch. 

He squinted as light flooded the fancy apartment. Now, he could clearly see Izaya, looking pale and extremely disheveled. He was unconcious on the floor of the apartment with blood and flowers splattered on his clothes and the floor beneath him. A few inches away were two empty wine bottles. The only sign that Izaya was alive was the tiny rise and fall of his chest.

Shizuo felt a rush of pity overcome him at the sight of his enemy's sorry state. Wait… Could he call Izaya an enemy anymore? Izaya obviously didn't want them to fight, but that was for his own self preservation, right? He didn't know, so he quickly shoved the questions away. 

He kicked the bottles away, and knelt down. "Stupid fucking flea…" He growled without any of the usual venom. He slid his hands under the man and lifted up the too-light body, cringing at the strong smell of alcohol. 

The jostling gained a groan from Izaya. He blinked open his unfocused eyes, looking around for a moment before his gaze landed on the man holding him. "S-Shizu-chan?" He rasped. 

"Stupid flea…" Shizuo grunted again, that seemed to be the only thing he was capable of saying. 

It was enough for the raven. He blinked slowly, and then let out a sad sigh. "Shizu-chan m'sorry… M'sorry…" He whispered, and then fell back into a drunken sleep. 

The blonde glared down at him in confusion. "Sorry for what?" He asked aloud, gaining silence as an answer. He scoffed and shook his head again. "Stupid flea…" 

He walked upstairs and kicked the doors open until he found a bedroom, gently placing his fragile bundle on the sheets and pulling the covers over them. 

Once Izaya was covered, Shizuo wondered if he should leave. He could always come back in the morning. He backed up a few steps, but was stopped by the sound of Izaya's raspy breathing. 

It sounded like the breathing of someone who had lungs filled with fluid. But Shizuo knew better. Those flowers were filling his lungs, just like Izaya had told him. He also knew that it was getting worse, because Izaya definitely didn't sound like that when they had eaten lunch together. 

If he didn't return Izaya's feelings, he would die. Shizuo had thought it would make him happy, but it made him feel something he didn't quite know what to call. He felt so conflicted, so lost. 

He sat at the edge of the bed, his fingers threading through his hair as he stated at the wheezing man who always seemed to find a way to make his life complicated. 

He leaned forward, letting his hand slide from his hair and instead rub against his face as he quietly asked,"What am I going to do…?"

\-- -- -- -- -- -- --

When Izaya woke up, his mouth felt like cotton, his head was throbbing, and his whole body seemed to ache along with it. 

He cringed at the light that attempted to invade the kind embrace of sleep, and had to blink several times before he could see anything other than blurry blobs. 

With a groan, Izaya weakly pushed himself into a sitting position. He rubbed at his throbbing temples and looked around his bedroom, trying to jog his memory. 

"Took you long enough to wake up, stupid flea," A gruff voice broke through the silence. 

Izaya jerked his head to the side and saw a shock of blonde hair standing in the doorway. Instantly, all the memories of the day before broke through the floodgates. 

His face burned pink with shame, and he hunched forward with a groan. "Goddammit…" He muttered to nobody in particular. 

"You _ should _ be ashamed, flea. I come here to talk and instead I find you shit-faced on the kitchen floor," Shizuo growled as he stalked into the room. 

He grabbed Izaya's hand, shoving two pills into his hand and a glass of water into the other. "Take the pills," He ordered. 

Izaya resisted the urge to roll his eyes, and swallowed the two pills dry. 

"The water too, flea. It'll help with the hangover," Shizuo firmly said. 

The raven huffed, but still listened. He didn't particularly want the headache to last longer than it had to, he already got enough pain from his burning lungs. 

Once he finished his water, he looked pointedly at Shizuo. "You wanted to talk?" He asked. 

"Not yet," Shizuo replied,"Get up and eat some food." 

Izaya pulled the covers away, but quickly declared,"I'm not hungry." 

Shizuo grabbed his arm tightly and dragged him out of the room. "I don't give a shit, flea. I'm not talking until you're coherent. You're too fuckin' skinny. I could snap your arm without trying." 

"You could do that before," Izaya pointed out in an unamused tone. 

The blonde growled in annoyance, shoving Izaya to the couch and then grabbing an apple from the kitchen. "Eat that and shut your mouth," He snapped, and then went to find his own food.

Izaya tiredly stared at the apple for a few seconds, turning it in his hands and examining every detail before he bit down into it. 

The apple chunk felt foreign in his mouth, but he forced himself to chew it up and swallow. He felt like it was a fight to get it down, and it seemed like his body was determined to lose. Seconds later he was forced into another violent coughing fit, pressing his mouth to his sleeve as the blood seeped through and dropped down his chin. 

When the horrible tearing feeling finally stopped, he pulled away from his sleeve and looked at the bloody petals decorating the sleeve and his lap. His appetite, whatever was left of it, had vanished, and he placed the apple down in front of him. 

Shizuo suddenly reappeared with a bowl of what looked like cereal, plopping down on the opposite could and looking at the apple. "You're finishing that later," He bravely declared. 

"What do you want to talk about?" Izaya demanded, wiping the blood away from his face with his clean sleeve. 

The blonde's eyes turned to look down at the flowers in his lap for a moment before he looked back at Izaya. "I want to… apologize…" He forced out of his throat. "I shouldn't have run away yesterday, it was stupid." 

"Don't apologize," Izaya quickly said,"I know that what I told you was probably hard to handle. It's okay, I'm fine." 

Shizuo scoffed. "That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard," He declared,"What, so you just decided to get shit-faced the same day I find out your huge secret and then run away?" 

Izaya pressed his lips tightly together, running his nail along the top of the apple without speaking. Shizuo didn't need him to respond, the stupid protzoan was right and he knew it. 

"But I didn't just come here to apologize," Shizuo continued after the raven didn't answer. "I talked to Tom and to Celty… and while I still don't know how I really feel about all this, I want to try and help." 

Izaya's finger froze, and his red eyes jerked up to meet Shizuo's brown ones. "Seriously?" He croaked, unable to stop slight suspicion from creeping up into his mind. "Why?" 

"Like I said, I talked with Tom and Celty. And Celty told me the reason why you didn't want to tell me… It wasn't selfish, you were just trying to protect me," Shizuo quietly explained, stirring the cereal with his spoon. "So, deep down, probably very deep down. There is some good in you somewhere." 

The man took a shaky breath. "I don't know if I can… love you. But, I'm willing to try and help you with this hanahaki stuff the best I can," He awkwardly finished. 

Relief washed over Izaya like a cold wave. "Shizu-chan… Thank you-" 

The blonde suddenly held up his hand, making his spoon clink against the bowl. "BUT," He began,"I have some conditions to this agreement." 

Izaya held back a sigh. He should have known there would be a catch. But he knew beggars couldn't be choosers, so he leaned forward, and replied,"I'm listening." 

"First, I want complete honesty from you," Shizuo stated,"No lies or secrets. I don't think I could ever trust you or stop hating you if you kept lying to me." 

Izaya gave the slightest nod, that was a fair condition. 

Shizuo held up two fingers. "Second, no shady shit during this whole thing. No messing with Ikebukuro, no trolling people into suicide, none of that stuff. The exception is Shiki, since you're his employee. But none of your murder-clients are allowed." 

"Not all my clients are criminals," Izaya bravely declared. 

"Well if they aren't then you can see them," Shizuo snapped in return, and then held up another finger. "Third and final condition, you have to stay with me in my apartment when you're not working."

"What? Why?" Izaya questioned. 

"I'm not walking all the way from fuckin' Shinjuku to Ikebukuro and then back. That's stupid," He growled,"And Shinra wants to keep an eye on you, remember?" 

Izaya sighed, but conceded. He knew that even if Shizuo hadn't made the last condition, Shinra and Celty likely would have locked him away in their home anyways. 

Once Shizuo finished his list, he looked at Izaya expectedly. "So, do we have a deal?" He asked, holding out his hand. 

Izaya stared at the hand quietly, his mind repeating the condition. "So… if I agree, you'll stay with me and try to help me cure my hanahaki…" He repeated, before he quickly added,"As long as I follow your conditions?" 

"I can't guarantee it'll work, but it's the best offer I can make," Shizuo replied,"It's this or nothing, flea. So choose." 

Izaya didn't know why he was even questioning the blonde. What was the point? He loved Shizuo, he was sure of that, but the blonde didn't. 

The wave of relief he felt before was frozen by the icy feeling of depression that rose up in him. If Shizuo hadn't found out about Izaya's illness, he wouldn't be doing this. It was exactly what Izaya wanted to avoid. Even if Shizuo didn't admit it, Izaya knew he was doing this because he felt _ obligated _ to. 

The hope he felt before was shattered. He knew Shizuo could never fall for someone like him, not in a million years. But, even if that was the case, Izaya still wanted to spend some time at peace with the man he loved… At least, until he died. 

So, he reached forward and grasped the strong hand in his own, and gave it a firm shake. "Deal."


	7. Sprouting

Shizuo’s apartment was nicer than Izaya had expected. Past the entrance and the genkan was a living room with a simple cream colored couch in the upper left corner of the room, a low table in front of it with pillows on the ground, and a television on a compact stand. There were two windows, one next to the couch on the left wall with dark curtains. The other was a sliding door that led to a small balcony.

Across from the small living room against the right wall as an equally small sized kitchen. Counters lined up against the wall with a white tile backsplash and cream cupboards below and on the wall above. At the edge was a large fridge, and by the sliding door was a small trash can.

When Izaya looked behind the television stand he noticed a small hallway with two doors. He knew that one was probably in Shizuo's bedroom, while the other led to the bathroom and laundry room.

It was small, much smaller than Izaya’s own apartment. But it had a homey feel to it, one that the raven’s own cold, dark apartment did not have. It was a truly nice apartment, but he didn’t dare say that out loud, afraid that Shizuo would take it as an insult.

The raven turned his tired red eyes up to the blonde next to him, jolting in surprise as he found the man staring at him as well. They quickly looked away from each other and stood in the genkan, both of them suddenly becoming too awkward to speak.

In the middle of the awkward silence, Izaya found his breath being cut off as another painful round of coughs exploded through him. His hand slapped over his mouth, catching the flowers but unable to do anything about the blood that leaked through his fingers.

Next to him, Shizuo cringed at the sight. He slid off his shoes and hurried into the apartment and into his room. He returned with a small wastebasket, and held it in front of the haggard young man.

Izaya shot him a grateful look before depositing bloodied cherry blossom petals into the wastebasket. “Thank you…” He whispered while slipping his shoes off as well.

Shizuo grunted in response and motioned to the couch. “You can… Um.. The suitcase there... “ He muttered, and then waved his hands at the pillows at the tab;e. “And sit there, too.”

The raven knew it was only thanks to the fact he had known Shizuo for many years and had to translate his angered growls many times before that he was able to understand what the strong man was trying to say.

He muttered a polite ‘pardon the intrusion’ out of instinct as he carried his laptop bag and suitcase to the couch. He sat down on the cushion and set his stuff down on the side of the plush seat, near the window. He could see the bustling city below them, people going about their daily lives like normal as the sun began to set.

A strange irony rose up in the raven. He was slowly, painfully dying and it seemed like nothing had changed. 

But when he turned to look at his new housemate, who was making a platter of hot tea for the two of them, he knew that was a lie. Shizuo had changed out of nowhere, and the animosity between them was nonexistent. 

Izaya sighed, turning his eyes to the blood on his hand. Who was he fooling? Shizuo was probably just humoring him. Things may seem different, but Izaya knew the truth deep down. Sooner than later, he was going to die.

Before he could sink further into his depression, the clatter of glass jerked him out of his mind. He looked back at the coffee table in front of him, and saw the platter now settled down in front of him. 

Shizuo settled cross-legged across from him and grabbed one of the steaming cups, sipping from it quietly. Izaya followed his lead, hoping that the warmth of the tea would get rid of the cold ball of tension in his stomach.

After a few minutes of silence, Shizuo set down his cup. “I wanna ask you some questions, flea,” He declared,”About all this… And other stuff.”

“Okay.” Izaya replied.

“And don’t even think about saying no because- Oh…” Shizuo quickly cut himself off, the surprise in his face showing that he hadn’t been expecting the raven to agree so easily. He stared for a moment, taking a few seconds to register the simple word. “Okay… Well then…”

He looked down at the table, scratching at the top of it with one finger. “When did this whole thing start?” He began.

It was an easy question, Izaya remembered it clear as day. “That chase when I hung upside down from the fire escape. While I was hiding I coughed up blood, but the flowers didn;t show up until I was in Shinjuku. I passed out and when I woke up, there were cherry blossom petals around me. I’ve been coughing them up since…”

“Petals? Not flowers?” Shizuo asked aloud.

“At first it was just petals…” Izaya admitted, staring at the tea in his cup. “I think it was because I was in love but I wouldn’t acknowledge it. But the next time we chased it.. It just hit me. And then I remember my chest burning, and throwing up the flowers and passing out.”

Shizuo’s eyes widened the slightest in recognition. “That’s when I found you and took you to Shinra’s, right?” He asked.

Izaya nodded as he brought the tea up to sip it. Before he could, a sudden coughing fit hit him. He quickly put the cup down, his hands covering his mouth as he coughed violently once more. 

Out of the corner of his teary eyes, he saw the wastebasket sliding over to his side of the table. He quickly grabbed the edges and leaned over it, the flowers tearing through him and landing in the basket with splatters of blood.

He took a few moments to take deep, wheezing breaths before he looked back up. He quickly felt his cheeks warm with embarrassment at the cringe that was on Shizuo’s face. “Sorry you had to see that…” He whispered, finding it hard to speak when his chest ached like he had just run a fifty mile marathon.

Shizuo’s cringe faded, and was replaced with an expression that Izaya didn’t quite understand. His brown eyes flicked from the wastebasket to Izaya a few times. “Does it hurt… Like all the time?” He asked.

“When it started, it only hurt when I was coughing. But now, it always hurts,” Izaya explained,”My chest aches all the time, and it’s really hard to breathe. Celty said that Hanahaki is when flowers root and grow in the respiratory system, so I guess it makes sense…”

The debt collector’s frown deepened, his hand grasping his chest as he imagined the pain that Izaya must be feeling. Then a curious look entered his eyes. “Celty? So she knows…” He muttered,”Who else?”

Izaya thought. “Well Shinra, obviously… And Simon does too. He told me that he knew someone in Russia who had the same thing… They coughed up lillies instead of cherry blossoms. But they died from it,” He quietly admitted. 

He saw Shizuo pale considerably at the mention of Simon’s story. Izaya wondered why he would. Surely Shizuo would be relieved if Izaya ended up dying, as he wouldn’t be stuck with him anymore.

They fell back into an awkward silence for a few minutes, interrupted only by the sipping of tea and Izaya’s wheezing breaths. 

Once he set down his teacup, Shizuo turned his gaze back on the raven. “I have… One more question,” He admitted,”At least for now. I want to know... “

He trailed off, Izaya couldn’t hear the last words of his sentence. He frowned, leaning forward against the table. “Y-yes?” He whispered.

“I want… I want to know… Why do you love me?” Shizuo asked.

Izaya’s eyes widened, his heart suddenly skipping several beats, and his mind swirling with panicked thoughts. “I… I… I don’t know…” He forced out of his throat.

Shizuo’s brown eyes quickly lit up with irritation. “What? What do you mean you don’t know?!” He demanded,”If you love me, there’s a reason right?!”

“It’s not that simple Shizuo!” Izaya exclaimed,”You don’t understand!”

“Oh?! And why wouldn’t I understand!? Is it because you think I’m just a monster that can’t feel?! IS THAT IT?!” He yelled, rising up and looming over the other man. 

Izaya quickly scrambled away from the other man. “No, no, no! That’s not what I mean!” He stuttered out. “You’re not a monster, Shizuo. You’re human, you’re the most amazing human I know! And… And I’m sorry that it took me so long to realize that…”

Shizuo stopped, his eyes betraying his shock. “W-what…?”

The raven shuddered, pulling his legs up to his chest. “When I realized it… It was because I was thinking about how no matter how long we’ve chased each other, you never gave up… You are the one constant in my hectic life, Shizu-chan. I expect the unexpected from you, and it’s amazing…”

A blush quickly covered Izaya’s face, his hand running through his messy hair. “You’re brave, you’re kind, and you’re loyal and… and handsome…” His blush became even more prominent, and he wished he could sink into his jacket. “Shizu-chan… It’s hard to explain why I love you when there are so many reasons…”

“And I’m sorry… I’m sorry for being such a bastard and a horrible person. You never deserved the treatment I gave you… I’m sorry about all this too. You shouldn’t be trapped in this with me, you didn’t choose this... “ He took a few weak breaths. “And… I know I don’t deserve you in any way, and I don’t care if you never love me.”

He looked down at the floor, letting a weak grin climb onto his bloodied face. “But… It is nice to at least spend some time with you before... Before I…” He cut himself off, lowering his head to rest against his knees, unable to say anymore.

The room was eerily silent once more, Izaya could barely even hear that Shizuo was still there, but he was too afraid to look. After a while, he heard the sound of rustling clothes, footsteps, and the clicking of a stove.

Footsteps returned, and a strong hand grabbed Izaya by the hood of his jacket. He let out a rather girlish squeal as he was lifted off the ground by Shizuo, and placed in front of the counter. When he looked at the surface, he found a cutting board with some vegetables.

Shizuo continued his work, setting pots on the stove. He reached to the knife block, handing Izaya a sharp cutting knife. “If you wanna spend time with me, you might as well make yourself useful and help me make dinner,” He declared. 

Izaya stared at the man in shock, looking between him and the cutting board. But Shizuo just continued to rinse and prepared the rice. A warm feeling rose up in Izaya’s chest, and a smile made its way onto his face once more as he began to chop the green onions for dinner.  _ Their  _ dinner.

It was a simple action, but Izaya knew just how much Shizuo was trying. Even though the raven knew that Shizuo would likely never love him, it felt nice to say it out loud. And the fragile trust Shizuo was showing him was enough for him to forget about his impending death for a little while.

“Just don’t get any funny ideas about using that knife on anything but those vegetables, okay flea?” Shizuo quickly added, but his tone was a teasing one.

Izaya’s smile widened even more. “I’ll try to restrain myself…” He teased back, and continued his skillful slicing.

A simple domestic moment, but it was one Izaya knew he would treasure for the rest of his life… No matter how long that was.

\-- -- -- -- -- -- --

That night, Izaya’s dreamt. He was standing in the darkness, looking around desperately to find something, anything other than the suffocating shadows.

Then, in the distance he saw a bright light appear. When it faded away, he saw Shizuo standing far away. His back was turned to Izaya, and he was walking further away.

Panic burst through Izaya. He quickly stumbled forward, reaching out for the man he loved. “S-Shizuo wait!” He called,”Wait for me!”

But no matter how fast he ran, Shizuo kept getting farther and farther away. It seemed like the darkness between them just stretched out with every passing second, until the blonde was nothing more than a speck in the distance.

“No!” Izaya cried,”Shizuo, wait! PLEASE!”

Suddenly the ground beneath him was gone, and Izaya was falling. He landed with a crash in a thick bed of bloody pink cherry blossoms. He frantically forced his head above the flowers, searching for an escape from his fall.

But once again, Shizuo appeared. He was staring at Izaya from the edge of the cherry blossom pile, his face void of any emotion. 

“S-Shizuo!” Izaya exclaimed, relief flowing through him as he stood and walked towards him. “Thank goodness you’re here… I thought that-”   
  


He got no further. Strong brown branches suddenly burst out of the pile, wrapping tightly around Izaya’s wrists and waist, pulling him back down toward the pile. The raven cried out in horror, yanking his wrists forward and struggling against them.

But Izaya was too weak to fight back as more branches reached up and pulled him down further, wrapping around him until he could barely move as he sank deeper and deeper. “Shizuo! Help me!!” He yelled.

To his horror, Shizuo didn’t even answer. He just turned, and walked away without even changing his expression. All Izaya could do was watch him fade into the distance as the bloody flowers surrounded him and pulled him into complete darkness.

\-- -- -- -- -- -- --

With a horrified gasp, Izaya snapped awake and jerked into a sitting position. He looked around frantically, but found that he wasn’t in the suffocating blackness any longer. He was on Shizuo’s couch, a fuzzy blue blanket draped over him, and his whole body drenched in a cold sweat.

A moment later he felt a burst of pain in his chest and lurched over the side of the couch, throwing up a bloody splatter of flowers into the nearly full wastebasket. When he finally was able to stop, he leaned against cushions of the couch and forced himself to take deep breaths.

_ It was just a dream…  _ He told himself.  _ You’re at Shizu-chan’s place, you’re alive, and… And he’s trying to help you. _

After a few minutes of repeating those words, he felt his beating heart calm down the slightest bit. Izaya sighed in relief, and looked toward the digital clock on the television stand.  _ Three in the morning… _

Izaya turned his gaze back toward the blanket and let out a slight frown, clenching the soft fabric in his hands.  _ There’s no way I can go back to sleep now… Not after that… _ He shuddered, the memory of the nightmare still fresh in his mind.

He sat for a few minutes longer, eventually deciding that he felt too antsy to stay sitting any longer. He slid off the couch and padded over to the bathroom across from Shizuo’s bedroom. 

But before he slipped inside, he stood outside the blonde’s door and listened. To his relief, he could hear the light snoring coming from inside. It helped him push the nightmare further down in his mind.  _ Shizuo is here, he didn’t leave… _

Izaya went into the bathroom, hoping a cold shower would make the horrible dream vanish for good. He turned the shower on, and began to undress. But, the only thing he was able to take off was his shirt, because the sight of pink caught his eye.

He turned to look at the mirror, a mute gasp of shock escaping him when he saw small cherry blossoms that were blooming from his skin. Five of them, dotted around his left arm. They were small, but they were there.

In a panic Izaya grabbed the small blossom on his upper arm and pulled, and instantly an explosion of pain burst through his nerves. He let out a cry of pain and let go immediately. The panic was replaced by a feeling of sheer horror.

The cherry blossoms were growing from  _ inside _ him.

He stumbled backwards, his back hitting the wall as he slid to the floor. His skin was ghostly pale, his whole body shuddering with the realization of what was happening. Izaya had thought that throwing them up was the worst thing that would occur…  _ But this is worse… So much worse. _

Izaya gulped, running his hand along his bare chest. Every now and then he would find bumps, sore and painful ones. He knew what they were right away, they were places that new flowers would grow. To his relief, they seemed to be only around his arms, and shoulders. They were nowhere near his major organs…

But how long would that last?

_ You need to tell Shizuo! _ A voice in his mind exclaimed.  _ You promised you wouldn’t keep secrets! The Hanahaki is getting worse, this is going to kill you! He needs to know! _

The raven knew that his inner voice was right. As much as he hated to admit it, the Hanahaki didn’t concern just him anymore. Shizuo was the object of his affection and was willingly involved now, he had a right to know.

But… At the same time Izaya realized what would happen if he did tell Shizuo. No matter how much Shizuo hated him, if the informant broker died, he knew that Shizuo would blame himself. Shizuo would carry that guilt with him for the rest of his life.

_ Why should he have to? _ Izaya asked himself.  _ He doesn’t deserve to feel guilty, it’s not his fault I was a fool and fell for someone too good for me, someone who deserves so much better than me…  _

There was already a heavy weight of guilt on Izaya’s soul. He had already forced Shizuo into too much. The blonde was helping him, but why? It was because he felt like he was responsible for what was happening to the raven, even though it was Izaya that fell for him and not the other way around.

_ Oh Shizu-chan… Why do you have to be so kindhearted? _ Izaya asked himself.  _ I don’t deserve it, not after I made you miserable for years. You should have just laughed in my face and killed me, or left me to suffer and die. _

He sighed and pulled his knees up to his chest, a weak smile on his face.  _ But if you were like that… Then you wouldn’t be the man I love… _

Izaya sat there for several minutes, staring at nothing and listening to the sound of the cold water hitting the bathroom tiles. It took a while, but he managed to find his strength again to get up and finish what he came to the bathroom for in the first place.

Once he was clean, Izaya dried himself off and re-dressed. He took one last look at the five pink flowers that glittered on his pale, white skin before covering them up with his shirt once more.

_ He doesn’t need to know. _


	8. Nurturing

It was eight in the morning when Shizuo finally dragged himself out of his bedroom and into the main room of the apartment. By then, Izaya was dressed in his usual outfit and sipping a warm cup of coffee.

He watched as the lethargic blonde stumbled to the cupboard, pulling out a box of cereal with english writing on the front, and pouring it into the bowl, along with at least a quarter of the milk jug he had yanked out of the fridge. 

Once he had his bowl preciously cupped against his chest, he sat down across from Izaya, and happily began eating the sugary cereal. 

Izaya couldn’t stop himself from cringing. He could practically taste the cereal from where he was sitting. “Where did you even get that cereal?” He questioned,”I’ve never seen it before.”

Shizuo managed to finish his mouthful before he replied,”Kasuka went to America to film a movie, he brought me back some boxes. It’s actually really good, just the right amount of sweetness.”

He looked up from his bowl, and immediately noticed the empty table. “Are you gonna have any breakfast?” The debt collector asked.

“I’m not hungry,” Izaya truthfully answered. Since discovering the flowers on his arm merely hours earlier, he had been feeling queasy. He knew that the second he tried to eat, he would just vomit it all up. 

They fell into a comfortable silence, preferring to finish their food and beverage respectively before doing anything else. Once they were finished, Shizuo took Izaya’s empty mug and his own bowl to the sink and began to wash.

Izaya watched him clean, savoring the peaceful feeling that settled in him. Him and Shizuo eating breakfast together, spending time with each other, and enjoying it. It felt amazing to experience, he wished it could last forever.

A frown graced his pale face, and his right hand ghosting over the flowers that had sprouted on his left arm.  _ No. I can’t get my hopes up, not when my Hanahaki is getting even worse... _ The raven forced himself to turn his eyes away from the object of his affection, stand up, and head over to his laptop bag.  _ Maybe I could get some work done. _

Before he could even get to his bag, a strong arm grabbed his left one. Izaya yelped as a spike of pain shot up his nerves, and quickly yanked himself out of the grip. “Don’t do that!” He snapped. “What the hell, Shizuo?!”

Shizuo stood with his hand still in the air, eyebrows raised above his fringe in surprise. He held his hands up defensively. “Chill out, flea!” He exclaimed,”You’re really jumpy today, jeez…”

_ Guilt instantly pooled in Izaya’s chest _ . I shouldn’t have yelled at him, he has no clue about the flowers right there.  _ He couldn’t have known that he would hurt Izaya. _

The raven sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry…” He whispered softly, hoping that the other man wouldn’t look too far into his reaction.

Thankfully, luck was on his side again and Shizuo huffed and crossed his arms as he replied,”It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”   
  


An awkward blanket seemed to fall over them. They stood staring at each other for several painful seconds before Izaya managed to tear his eyes away and look down at the floor. He scuffed the floor with his sock-covered foot. 

“S-so… Um… Did you need something?” He asked.

The raven’s words helped pull Shizuo out of his own stupor. The tension faded away, and the blonde replied,”Oh right, well I was going to tell you to not get on your laptop. We’re going out on a date today.”

Izaya jolted up in shock, his face quickly turning red with blush. “W-w-wha…” He stuttered out, unable to get anything out of his mouth. He shook his head quickly to clear his head. “A… A date? Why?”

“Well that’s what people do, right? When they are trying to become a couple, they go on dates,” Shizuo answered, his face as red as Izaya’s. “And since you like me and stuff… And I promised to help… I figured we could go on one?”

The raven couldn’t help but be shocked. He knew that Shizuo was willing to help him, but he didn’t expect the blonde to put so much effort in. It made him feel light on his feet, with butterflies fluttering in his stomach. A small, happy grin rose up on his face as his blush deepened.

“I-I would like that a lot, Shizu-chan…” He quietly declared.

Shizuo returned the small grin, and then looked down at his wrinkled pajamas. “I’m gonna go get dressed, you can start looking for places that we can go.” He walked toward the hallway, but quickly whipped around and added,”Not Russian Sushi! I think I’ve had enough of Simon’s bullshit for a while!”

Remembering their impromptu kidnapping just two days ago, Izaya agreed that Russian Sushi wasn’t the place he wanted to go to. In fact,  _ anywhere _ in Ikebukuro would probably be a bad idea.

_ If someone sees us together on our... ‘date’...  _ He blushed again, the idea still shocking to him. He shook his head to clear his head of the butterflies. _ If anyone sees us, it won’t be long before the rumors spread all over forums and Ikebukuro. And if anyone has a problem with it they might come after me… And I am in no condition to fight.  _ A horrified thought pushed its way to the front of his mind.  _ Or... They might go after Shizu-chan…  _

Izaya shuddered at the thought. The last thing he wanted was for the man he loved to get hurt because of his stupid past decisions. He stared at the map on his phone, his foot tapping on the ground impatiently. What would be a good place that Shizuo would like, _ and  _ wouldn’t end with him or Shizuo getting jumped?

Then, an idea hit him. He typed out the name of the place in mind, growing excited when he saw that the place he was thinking of was open. He quickly found a subway that would take them there in the least amount of time, and kept the tab open on his phone as he waited for his companion to come back.

As he stood there, he unconsciously found his right hand rubbing against his left arm again.  _ I hope Shizuo will like my choice… _ He thought with the smallest smidgen of hope.

\-- -- -- -- -- -- --

At first, Shizuo had been suspicious when Izaya told him that the spot he had chosen was in Ueno. But when the raven explained to him his concerns about if someone saw them together before they were ready, he thankfully understood.

The walk to the station and the ride there was quiet, and slightly awkward. They walked shoulder to shoulder through the streets of the unfamiliar city. Sometimes they would have to stop so Izaya could cough or catch his breath, as he found that his level of endurance was much lower than it usually was.

Eventually they made it to their destination, a popular bakery called  Asakusa Kagetsudo Honten. When they got in front of it, Izaya couldn’t help but look over curiously at his companion to see his reaction and had to stifle a laugh at what he saw.

Behind his tinted glasses, he could see a ravenous look in Shizuo’s eyes, and his mouth slightly open as if in shock. Izaya wasn’t exactly sure why Shizuo was so in love with sweet things, but it appeared his choice had been a good one.

Unable to resist teasing the man, Izaya poked his arm with a cheeky grin on his face. “Shizu-chan, are we going to go inside or is our date just going to be smelling the baked goods?” He asked.

Shizuo’s jaw quickly snapped shut, a tinge of pink rising up on his cheeks. “Stupid flea…” He grunted, seemingly out of instinct more than actual hatred because he quickly continued,”Why did you choose a bakery? You hate sweet stuff…”

“I do, but Shizu-chan likes them, and I wanted you to have a good time too. You’re already being much nicer than I deserve,” Izaya reminded him, ignoring the surprise that flashed through the debt collector’s eyes. “I looked up the menu, too. They have some stuff I don’t mind eating.”

At the mention of something Izaya would enjoy, Shizuo’s worries seemed to settle. Without thinking, the blonde grabbed Izaya’s hand and dragged him inside of the bakery, too excited to notice how his simple action brought such a bright red blush to Izaya’s face.

They left the bakery with their food, both having ordered Melon Pan but Shizuo’s had ice cream while Izaya’s had custard, and found a nearby cafe to sit down in. Izaya ordered his usual black coffee, while Shizuo ordered some type of sweet beverage.

“Are you really some kind of superhuman strong man, or is it just a twenty-four year old high?” Izaya questioned teasingly.

Shizuo grunted with a mouthful of Melon Pan. “If that’s the case then maybe you should eat some more sweet things, flea. Then you wouldn’t look like a fuckin’ scarecrow,” He bantered back, the mischievous glint in his eyes showing that he wasn’t serious.

Grinning, Izaya replied,”Eh? But what if it works? If I can catch the vending machines you throw and send them back at you, it’ll be really tough for you to kill me!”

The blonde’s small grin suddenly became a frown, his eyes clouding with a jumble of emotions as he looked down at the surface of the table they were sitting at. 

The raven found himself frowning as well, realizing that he had gone too far. Shizuo had expressed a desire to kill him in the past, but Izaya wasn’t blind to the fact that the blonde was uncomfortable when discussing Izaya’s fate.  _ Especially when it’s very possible that I will die.. _

Izaya frowned and bounced his foot, trying to think of a way to snap Shizuo out of those dark thoughts.  _ Well, if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s getting in the middle of his business!  _ He reminded himself.

With that in mind, the Informant Broker reached over the table and snatched Shizuo’s drink from him, quickly taking a swig of it. Almost instantly he heard Shizuo let out a surprised noise. 

The raven cringed as what practically tasted like pure sugar hit his tongue, along with a milk aftertaste. “Bleh! Shizu-chan this is so nasty! How can you drink this?!” He demanded, swirling the straw around. “Is there a bunch of sugary sludge at the bottom?”

“Hey, flea! That’s not your drink, give it back!” Shizuo exclaimed, an annoyed frown on his face.

“Hmmm… Nah, I’m good!” Izaya cheerfully replied,”I think I’ll hang onto this for a second- Hey!”

In revenge, Shizuo had snatched Izaya’s coffee cup and then taken his own swig from it. Immediately he cringed much like Izaya had. “Ugh, no wonder you’re a bastard if this is what you drink. So fuckin’ bitter!” He growled out.

Izaya pouted. “If you don’t like it, then give it back!” He whined. 

“Nope, you took mine so now this one is mine. It may taste like shit, but you can’t have it anymore!” Shizuo declared smugly. He then took a large bite of his Melon Pan monstrosity, followed by another large swig of Izaya’s bitter drink.

Not about to be out-stubborned, Izaya hmphed and did the same with Shizuo’s drink. Once again he cringed at the sugary sweet taste, but found that it wasn’t as bad anymore. He could taste more of the milk and less of the very likely unhealthy amount of sugar.

Though he wasn’t a fan of sweet things, he found that the drink reminded him of Shizuo quite a bit. Even though it was hard to take in at first, when you gave it time you could see the true quality of the drink. The more he drank it, the less he wanted his own coffee back. Even on such a simple date, his affection for the other man grew bigger.

_ If only you could ever feel the same way, Shizu-chan… _

\-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

When they finished, Izaya pulled out his phone and looked at the subway times. “If we leave now, we can get back in time for the next ride back to Ikebukuro-” 

Shizuo abruptly stood up. “Nope,” He interrupted,”We’re not done yet, flea.”

Izaya tilted his head in confusion. “W-we aren’t?” He hadn’t planned for anything else, he figured that Shizuo wanted the date to end as quickly as possible, so he was only prepared for one thing.

“We aren’t!” Shizuo repeated,”Put your stupid phone away and follow me.”

The raven hurried out of his seat, following after the taller blonde as best he could with his restricted lungs. They had to stop several times, one of which involved Izaya hiding in an alleyway to throw up the flowers without anyone noticing him.

When they were still walking after that, Izaya let out a frustrated noise. “Shizu-chan… Where are we going?” He demanded. 

Shizuo turned to face him, looking like a child caught in a lie. “Um… Um… A… Park?” He suggested.

Izaya frowned and raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “Is that a question or the answer?” He queried.

“Umm….”

“Shizu-chan!”

“Ugh! I don’t know, okay!?” Shizuo snapped loudly, making some of the other people on the street jolt in surprise. The blonde, thankfully, noticed the unwanted attention he had brought them and grabbed Izaya’s hand again, dragging him into a nearby alley.

When they were alone, Shizuo let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through his hair. “Listen, I just… I wasn’t expecting much from this, but you went out of your way to keep us safe and you chose a place you knew I’d like even though you probably wouldn’t…” His face turned pink again. “It was… It was really nice, and I wanted to return the favor…”

When he fell silent, Izaya leaned forward. “But…?”

“But when we were walking, I realized that I… I don’t really know anything about you,” Shizuo admitted,”I’m not an informant broker like you, I have no idea about your likes and dislikes besides that you claim to love humans and that you love fatty tuna…”

Izaya’s frown lessened, and a bubble of amusement rose up in his chest. He couldn’t help but start to chuckle as he realized exactly what Shizuo’s predicament was, which only made the blonde’s cheeks turn an even brighter shade of pink.

Looking up into the brown eyes, Izaya smiled. “Silly Shizu-chan, why didn’t you just ask me?” He questioned.   
  


The other man shuffled his feet and looked down at the dirty alleyway floor. “I dunno… You know almost everything about me, it felt weird to admit that I don’t know basically anything about you when we’ve known each other so long…”

Izaya was bewildered. Shizuo was… ashamed?  _ Why? He has no reason to be… Why would he know anything about me when all I did was torment him?  _ For a moment, Izaya didn’t know what to do. He awkwardly looked around, until he noticed something in the distance.

Moving towards the edge of the alley, Izaya motioned to the building nearby. “Well, we can start now. I’m a pretty big fan of reading, maybe we could check out the bookstore?” He suggested. 

Shizuo’s conflicted look finally calmed down, and he gave the raven haired male a weak grin. “Sure, that sounds nice,” He quietly replied, hurrying to follow Izaya towards the store. “And while we do, maybe I could get to know you better!”

Surprised and humbled by Shizuo’s eagerness, all that the informant broker could do was return the smile and nod. 

Despite his fears, it had still turned out to be a good day.

\-- -- -- -- -- -- --

“What the hell is the plot of this?”

Shizuo and Izaya sat together at the low-raised table, their bowls from dinner placed in the sink, a kettle heating up on the stove, and a chess set sitting in front of them. If one were to look closely at the board, they could see who was winning quite easily.

After losing his last Knight, an angered Shizuo was looking at the anime playing on the television to calm his anger. It had a group of rich high schoolers running some kind of club, to the blonde’s utter confusion.

“The main character is trying to pay off her debt from breaking the vase. So she’s pretending to be a boy in order to be a member of the Host Club,” Izaya explained, moving his queen further across the board.

Shizuo whipped around to face the other man. “How the hell do you know that, flea?” He demanded incredulously. 

Izaya watched Shizuo move a pawn closer to his queen. “Erika,” He said simply, and a few seconds later quietly added,”And I’ve seen it before…”

The blonde let out a loud snort of amusement. “Oh so the high and mighty louse watches anime?” He teased. 

The raven rolled his eyes. “As I’m sure we both tell given the current situation, Shizu-chan, I’m only human, and a lot of humans like anime,” He replied, and moved his queen again. “Check.”

But Shizuo hardly heard him, looking at the raven in surprise. “Did… Did you just call yourself human?” He asked in shock. 

Izaya blushed, feeling slightly embarrassed by his slip. “I… Well… Yes?” 

The debt collector smirked. “Wow, I never thought I’d see the day,” He declared, moving his rook. “If I knew that all I had to do to get you off your high horse was go on a date with you, I’d have done it years ago!”

A rush of affection ran through Izaya, making the raven blush even more. He was barely able to stop himself from admitting to Shizuo that he would have liked that too. Instead, the raven proudly held a hand against his chest and dramatically declared,”I may be a human, but I am still the God of Chess! Checkmate!”

“DAMN IT!” Shizuo yelled, slamming his hands against the table top and knocking the pieces onto the floor. He quickly knelt down, scooping them up and starting to place them. “Hell no, it doesn’t end like this flea! One more game!” 

“Shizu-chan, the kettle!!” Izaya exclaimed over him.

“Fuck!” The blonde yelped in surprise, jumping to his feet, the table being knocked over in his haste to stop the loud whistling coming from the kitchen.

Izaya chuckled at the blonde’s antics and stood up as well. Grabbing the table and putting it back down on its legs. As he adjusted it, he found his sleeve riding up and froze as a splash of pink met his eyes.

He brought his arm closer and frowned at the sight of new flowers on his forearm, four bunched together… Like some type of morbid bouquet. He gulped, quickly pulling the sleeve of his black shirt up and grabbing his fur coat, putting it back on and continuing what he was doing.

“Why is your coat back on?” Shizuo questioned curiously as he returned with a platter of tea, holding one out to Izaya.

Purposefully using his right hand to take it, Izaya shrugged and declared,”I’m just a little cold, that’s all. I’m sure the tea will warm me up.”

Shizuo, to his relief, nodded and accepted the answer. He settled back down, the competitive glare returning to his eyes. “I go first this time,” He ordered, immediately moving the pawn to the right side of the board.

Izaya rolled his eyes but allowed it, joining Shizuo in the game. Within ten minutes, Shizuo lost again. 

“DAMN IT!” Shizuo growled, this time managing to not slam his hands against the table and instead frantically rearrange the pieces. “One more time!”

_ We can play as many times as you want, Shizu-chan.... _ The raven quietly though to himself, moving his piece across the board.  _ Because the longer we play, the more time I get to spend with you before… Before... _

“Checkmate.”


	9. Weeds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyy I got this done real fast! My classes are finally done, I got a B+ and two A's! And I'm also waiting for certification on my unemployment benefits. Fingers crossed it's soon, because I am B-R-O-K-E
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoy and stay safe in these crazy times!

\-- -- -- -- -- --

One Week Later

\-- -- -- -- -- -- 

Izaya couldn’t remember a time he had felt so happy, and it was all thanks to a certain blonde strongman.

During the week, he and Shizuo had gone on two more dates and both had gone well. The second date, Shizuo insisted that they do something that Izaya wanted to do, and ended up going to a museum in another prefecture. The third date was simpler, something they both enjoyed: Russian Sushi.

Simon had been overjoyed when they walked in together (albeit both in clothing that they wouldn’t usually wear and hoods to cover their hair, neither were ready for any of their enemies to find out about their fragile truce), and had seated them in a private booth with low lighting, candles, and absolutely  _ revolting _ chocolate covered sushi.

Still, both dates had been just as enjoyable as the first one, and any remaining hostility between them was hard to find. It made Izaya wonder if they would have gotten along so easily if their first meeting in high school had gone a little different.

Maybe he and Shizuo could have gone through high school as friends, maybe Shizuo wouldn’t have lost so many jobs due to his temper, maybe they would have become something… more than friends....

He sighed and shook off the thought.  _ It wouldn’t have mattered… _ He told himself as he stared up at the ceiling.  _ Eventually Shizu-chan would have found someone else. I don’t deserve him, even now… _

Izaya sighed and curled up on his side, his nails digging into the couch cushion as the familiar burning pain rose up in his chest. He quickly leaned over the couch and coughed into the waiting wastebasket next to his makeshift bed.

He took deep breaths, his red eyes staring at the trash can in disgust. After only one night, the damn thing was filled to the brim with bloody flowers. _ I’ll have to empty it before Shizuo wakes up. _ He reminded himself.  _ If he sees this, he’ll get concerned. _

The raven pulled the bag from the wastebasket, tied it closed, and stood up. Instantly a wave of dizziness hit him and he stumbled forward, his legs hitting the low table in front of the couch. He bit his lip to stop the cry that threatened to escape him and held onto the table to steady himself.

Taking a few deep breaths, Izaya slowly pushed himself back up so that he was standing up straight. He wrapped an arm around his waist and cringed again. He was skinny before the Hanahaki, but the weight loss since it started was dramatic.

Izaya wasn’t exactly sure when it got so bad, but as the days passed by it was more and more difficult to even eat. He tried to eat, he really did, but it always came back up whenever he had to throw up flowers.

But to the raven, the starvation wasn't the worst part. It was the fact his clothing that didn't fit very well anymore made it very easy to see the many flowers that were sprouting on his arms, shoulders, and chest. 

The only thing he could do was constantly wear his fur coat, it was enough to hide his disgusting body's condition from Shizuo. Whenever the blonde asked, Izaya easily waved it off by saying he was cold (at this point it wasn't a lie, he was shivering almost constantly). 

It made Izaya feel terribly guilty, keeping secrets was one of the main things Shizuo ordered him not to do. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't tell him… 

He could already see the emotions in those brown eyes, and then he knew what would happen next: All of a sudden, Shizuo would love him and try to stop him from dying… But it wouldn't be real love, Shizuo would only be "loving" him out of guilt and pity. 

No, he couldn't say a word. Not until the man he had fallen for  _ truly _ loved him back or, the most likely option to Izaya, he finally died a slow and painful death. 

Izaya tossed the bag of bloody flowers into the larger trash can in the kitchen, and looked toward the clock by the cupboards. 

"It's already seven in the morning… Shouldn't Shizuo have gotten up for work by now?" Izaya whispered to himself. 

He wrapped his fur coat around himself and shuffled down the hallway and to Shizuo's bedroom. Instantly, his eyes caught sight of a yellow post-it note on the front of the door. 

** _"It's my day off, DON'T wake me up." _ ** The note ordered in messy black writing. 

Izaya let out a breathy chuckle, which was quickly cut off by a gurgled cough. His hand flew to cover his mouth, and he shuffled away from the door to make sure he didn't wake Shizuo. 

_ Not that it matters if I'm right here or now. Shizu-chan sleeps like a rock.  _ The raven smirked underneath his hand.  _ If an earthquake happened right now and knocked this whole building down, he'd probably wake up underneath rubble feeling refreshed.  _

He returned to the main area and went back to the kitchen, washing his hands of the blood that stained them. "This is Shizu-chan's first day off all week…" He shook the excess water off his hands and dried them off on the hand towel. "I should surprise him with breakfast! I'll make a traditional breakfast, but with milk instead of tea for the protozoan." 

But after he set up the rice cooker and the pots he would need, he found the pantry was bare. All that he could find was sweets and an extremely large collection of cup noodles. 

Izaya groaned in annoyance and slumped against the cupboard door. "Shizu-chaaaan…" He grumbled,"You made us lunch just yesterday, you knew the cupboards were basically empty. Why didn't we go shopping yesterday?" 

Being the stubborn man he was, Izaya made up his mind on what to do. "Fine. I'll go shopping, but only for the breakfast stuff. When Shizu-chan is fed, I'll force him to go with me again and face his decision to wait on shopping." 

Izaya moved to the fridge, where he found the notepad attached with a magnet to it. He ripped a paper off and placed it on the counter, scribbling out a quick note. 

** _"Ran to the store for groceries. Be back soon. Love-" _ **

His heart skipped a beat at how easily he wrote out that four letter word. He quickly scribbled over it, and wrote his name underneath the scribble. He then moved the note to his couch bed, placed it on top of the cushions, and left the apartment. 

\-- -- -- -- -- -- -- 

He exited the small store with two bags in hand, and inhaled the familiar air of his beloved city. No matter how much time passed, he knew he would never get tired of Ikebukuro and the lovely humans that lived there.

_ Which is why I have to enjoy it as much as possible, before I die… _ Izaya grimly reminded himself, his fists tightening their grip on the bags.  _ Just like with Shizu-chan…  _

The raven took a few quick breaths, forcing himself to calm down. He didn't want to start coughing up flowers in the middle of the street, where tons of people would see. 

To distract himself, he forced himself to think positively (a difficult task for him at this point).  _ At least I get to be around the two things I love most in the world before then, Ikebukuro and Shizu-chan! _

A tiny smile climbed up his face at the reminder. He walked back towards Shizuo's apartment, and started daydreaming about what a domestic life with Shizuo would be like if his affections were reciprocated.

_ I could easily work from home, so I could have dinner ready whenever Shizuo had to go to work. We could go on dates, hang out with Shinra and Celty, or spend time alone… _ He blushed at the last one, turning his head towards the street and away from the other people on the sidewalk. 

That was when Izaya noticed something peculiar in the reflection of the buildings across the street. His eyes widened and focused on the figure that was staying a certain distance from Izaya, but never stopped staring at his back. 

The raven kept walking, taking several right turns further into the city and every time he looked in a reflective surface, that same figure was just a few yards behind him. 

It took a few seconds for Izaya’s exhausted mind to register exactly what the figure was going.  _ I’m being followed… But why? And who?  _ He wondered, but didn’t dare look back in case his stalker realized that he knew. He turned his head forward again, and tried to keep the same pace.

He tried to come up with an idea, or a plan of what he could do to escape, but his mind was like a tangled ball of yarn. The only thing he knew for sure was that he couldn’t lead this person back to Shizuo’s apartment, he wasn’t going to get the blonde mixed up in his own mistakes.

He cursed himself internally.  _ Why did I leave my phone behind? I’m such an idiot!  _ His red eyes flashed around as he tried to find an escape.  _ What do I do? What do I do? _

Izaya knew going down an alleyway was a death trap, he was in no condition to fight or parkour away. Waiting in a store was a bad idea, his follower seemed persistent enough to wait him out. Maybe he could get to Shinra’s or Simon, they could help him.

Russian Sushi was closer, so Izaya picked up his pace a bit. Panic was clawing at his heart, his lungs were screaming at him to stop, but he kept going. His fears only grew worse when the person continued to follow him.

Then, after what felt like an eternity, the familiar restaurant came into view. Izaya sighed in relief and started forward. Before he could take more than two steps, however, there was a burst of pain in his chest and black spots covered his vision.

He stumbled sideways and hit a wall, his bags crashing to the ground as his hands flew to cover his mouth. Painful coughs ripped their way through his lungs and he felt the painfully familiar splatter of blood and flowers. The only reason he didn’t collapse was the sturdy building he was leaning against.

“Oh my goodness! Are you alright?” A voice asked. 

The voice was unfamiliar, and Izaya tried to look up and see the face it belonged to, but his vision was too fuzzy to make anything out. A firm hand landed on his bony shoulder and held tight, while another wrapped around his too-thin waist.

The man started moving him while he said,”I told you you should have stayed home, you’re still too sick. Come on, I know a shortcut home and then I’ll make you some tea…”

_ No, no let me go!  _ Izaya opened his mouth to cry for help, but was cut off by another painful cough. The hands gripped him tighter, and started to walk faster. 

The sounds of the crowd faded away, and the instant they became nothing more than quiet murmurs the gentle hand was gone, and Izaya was violently thrown to the ground. He cried out in shock, his head hitting the concrete and making him see stars.

“Thought you could hide forever, did ya?” The voice from before sneered, and a swift kick hit Izaya in the stomach and made him yelp in pain. “You little bitch!”

Izaya bit his lip hard enough to make it bleed, blinking his eyes several times to clear away the blur in his vision. Standing above him with narrowed eyes, he found himself looking at a man with shaggy black hair, bloodshot red eyes, and an obnoxiously colored purple shirt. Behind him were three other men wearing the same color somewhere on their person.

“Remember me?” The man in front demanded.

The raven coughed again, blood splattering against the ground below him. “Why would I remember such a forgetful face?” He boldly sneered.

All of the men’s faces twisted in anger instantly. He leaned down and grabbed Izaya by the collar, lifting him up easily, and slamming him against the wall. “Don’t act so coy, bastard! If you wanna live a few more minutes, you’d better figure it out!” He grabbed Izaya’s chin, forcing him to look straight at them. “You fucked with our territory!”

_ Territory? What territory? The only gang territory I’ve been involved with recently is Shiki and his… Oh no… _ Realization hit Izaya like a truck, and a memory rose up in his mind.

\-- -- -- -- -- -- -- 

_ Shiki looked between the Yagiri woman and Izaya, before moving forward to Izaya’s desk. “I’m not here for a social call. I just wanted to tell you that I need you to research an up and coming gang called ‘The Desecrators’” He looked suspiciously at Namie. “I’ll text you the rest of the details.” _

_ Without another word the Awakusu-kai gang leader left, obviously not comfortable speaking to his informant broker when there was another customer around. Once he was gone, Izaya and Namie were alone. _

_ After a few seconds of silence, the informant broker let out a sad noise. “What a cliche name,” Izaya said with a disappointed tone, speedily typing the name out on his several computers. “The gangs with the scary names are never the scary ones, my lovely humans need to be more creative!” _

_ The woman in front of his desk scoffed. “Yes, I’m sure they’ll take that advice to heart,” She sarcastically said. “That’s as likely as any of your ‘lovely humans’ loving you back.” _

\-- -- -- -- -- -- --

“T-The Desecrators…” Izaya whispered aloud. The cocky, invasive gang that had been planning to take over Awakusu-kai territory. Shiki had made Izaya investigate them, it had been the last thing he did before he realized he was in love with Shizuo.

At the mention of their gang’s name, the leader’s face split in a large grin. “Now you remember!” He said in a mocking tone. “And now that you do, we can get you back for thinking that you could get away with fucking with us!”

No! Izaya’s hand flew to his hidden pocket to grab his switchblade, but all he grasped was empty air. His blood ran cold. My switchblade, it’s gone?! But where-

The man’s hand roughly grasped Izaya’s wrist and ripped it from his pocket. The careless movement yanked the flowers that were blossoming from his skin and sent an explosion of pain up his nerves. It  _ hurt _ , much worse than when Izaya tugged at one, and he couldn’t stop himself from screaming.

Unfortunately, that was exactly what his attackers wanted to hear. The leader’s sadistic grin grew wider, and his grip tightened. “You think that hurt?” He sneered,”Just you wait, you little rat, we’ll make you wish we killed you.”  
  
He threw the weak raven to the ground again, and the attack increased tenfold. Kicks, punches, and cuts that almost always managed to hit the flowers. The pain was too much, and there was no way in hell he could escape.

All that Izaya could do was shut his eyes tight, curl into himself, and pray that it would all be over soon. 

\-- -- -- -- -- -- --

“Half-price sushi! And fresh fish to boot! Simon really pulled out all the stops today!” Erika cheerfully bit into her Setouchi mantis shrimp. “I knew getting an early start today was a good idea!”

Saburo scoffed next to her. “It wasn’t your idea, technically. Kadota had to get up early for work and then you suggested we get sushi afterwards,” He pointed out to the girl.

Kadota took a moment to gulp the last of his water bottle. “Let’s not fight about this so early in the morning. Whoever had the idea-”

“-I did!” Erika cut in.

“-It was delicious, so let’s be happy about that and finish off our leftovers when we get back to the van,” Kadota finished as if the otaku hadn’t spoken. 

Erika and Walker squealed in excitement, to the irritation of their sleep deprived companions. 

With a bounce in her step, Erika hurried forward. “Yes! The new magazine comes out today and I will die if I don’t get the next issue of my Kakushigot-  _ OH _ !”

Just as the young woman moved in front of an alleyway, a group of rugged looking men hurried out from it and ran into her. Erika stumbled backwards and crashed into Walker, who caught her before she hit the ground.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going, jerk!” Saburo snapped at them as they passed.

The man in the front of the group quickly lifted his middle finger towards the man. “Mind your own fucking business,” He sneered, and then hurried to catch up with his snickering group of lackeys.

Kadota narrowed his eyes towards the group. All wearing purple, they looked like trouble… And when the man flipped Saburo off, Kadota swore that his knuckles were stained with red.

“-Dota-chin?”

The beanie-clad man jumped, and looked toward the sound of Walker’s voice. The three were across the alleyway now, and looking at him with curious expressions.

Erika pointed her thumb behind her. “Are we going back to the van, Dota-chin?” She questioned. “The manga is waiting!”

Kadota looked at the alleyway, then at the small gang, and then back toward the alleyway.  _ Something doesn’t feel right… I feel like I can’t just leave. _

“Follow me,” He softly ordered, and then headed down the alleyway. 

Without question, his friends followed. They went down a few turns, until they came upon groceries scattered across the ground, and someone lying unconscious on the ground. They were pale, wearing a fur coat, and…  _ No way… _

“Izaya!” Kadota exclaimed, hurrying forward and kneeling down next to the informant broker.

The raven looked terrible. He was bruised and bleeding in many places, with his fur coat and the shirt underneath torn. He looked pale, terribly skinny, and Kadota wasn’t sure if he was even breathing.

He brought two fingers to Izaya’s neck, and felt a weak pulse there. “He’s alive…” He whispered in relief, and slapped his cheek softly. “Izaya, Izaya! Wake up!”

No response, but he didn’t entirely expect one. He looked up and found Saburo, Walker, and Erika staring at the raven in shock. He didn’t blame them. Kadota had known Izaya since high school, and never before had Izaya lost a fight. 

But that group, such a small gang of likely inexperienced fighters. They were likely the ones to do this, but how would someone like Izaya lose to them? It didn’t make sense, not when Izaya fought someone like Shizuo on a daily basis!

Don’t think about that right now! He told himself, looking at the blood splatters on the ground. Izaya needs to see a doctor, and fast!

“Saburo, Walker, bring the van around here, we need to get him to Shinra!” He ordered the two young men. Both of them quickly nodded, and then hurried out of the allway.

Turning to his otaku friend, he continued,”Erika, you have those napkins from Russia Sushi, right? We need to try and stop any bleeding. It’s not the best, but it’ll work until we get to Shinra and Celty.”

“You got it, Dota-chin!” Erika chirped, and knelt down next to him, digging the napkins out of her pocket.

Kadota’s dark eyes scanned the scrawny body, until he noticed a red splotch barely visible on the black shirt. He moved to point at it, right around the stomach. “It looks like there might be something right here.”

Erika nodded firmly and grabbed the bottom of the shirt, lifting it up while her hands waited to press the napkins. But as soon as the scrawny body was in view, she gasped and brought her hands up to cover her mouth.

Kadota followed her gaze and his jaw dropped. On Izaya’s stomach, there was a line of cherry blossoms that seemed to be growing through his skin. There were a bunch of them right over his stomach, and a line that climbed further up his shirt.

Erika then turned her gaze to Izaya’s wrist, where the sleeve of his coat was torn. Through the tight black shirt, there was an outline of something right at the wrist. She lifted the sleeve up, and again there was a plume of flowers wrapped around it, and going further up his sleeve.

“W-what in the world…” Kadota whispered, turning his eyes from the flowery wrist and up to Izaya, and staring at the sunken face in confusion. “What’s happening to him?”

Unlike her close friend, Erika seemed to know exactly what was going on. Her horrified brown eyes met Kadota’s grey ones, and she whispered,”Hanahaki…”


	10. Damaged

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost to the end you guys, only a few more chapters left... Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy this newest chapter!

Shizuo’s lungs begged for air as he ran up the staircase two at a time, skidding around the corner, and down the hall. A few doors down was Shinra’s apartment, his destination. He threw the door open so hard it slammed against the back wall, and dashed into the apartment without taking off his shoes.

As soon as he reached the front room, he searched for any sign of people and yelled,”Where is Izaya? Is he alright?!”

For the first time since Celty messaged him, Shizuo’s tunnel vision stopped. He looked around the apartment, and found that it wasn’t just his two friends. Kadota, and his three companions were also sitting on the couch and looking at him with various bewildered expressions. 

Celty ignored the quartet’s confusion and typed on her PDA, holding it out to Shizuo.  **[Shinra is working on him right now. He thinks Izaya might wake up soon, thankfully.]**

Relief washed over the blonde, and his tense shoulders slumped down as he sighed. “So he’s going to be okay?” He asked, desperately needing the more firm confirmation. 

**[Yes. But he’ll have to take it easy for a while.]** Celty motioned to their couch. ** [You can wait here if you want, I’ll go check again and see how it’s going]**

Shizuo felt too wrung out to argue, as if his heart was barely hanging on after the panic it had been forced to endure. He nodded and walked over to the couch, dropping down to sit and burying his face in his hands with a groan.

He heard Celty’s footsteps fade away, and then the room was silent for a while. Eventually, Shizuo felt like someone was burning holes in his side, so he looked up and found all four of the other occupants in the room staring at him.

“What are  _ you _ doing here?” Kadota questioned, there was no malice in his tone, just genuine confusion.

Shizuo opened his mouth to answer, and then quickly snapped it shut.  _ Oh shit…  _ He thought.  _ What do I say?  _

He and Izaya had never talked about what to do if someone saw them together. In fact, neither of them had been ready for anyone to know. How was he supposed to explain it? Did Izaya want him to tell them about the Hanahaki, or would he get angry?

“I- I- I’m here because I’m… Worried about Izaya being hurt!” Shizuo managed to force the words out of his mouth eventually.

“Well, yeah. I figured that out when you almost broke the door down.” Kadota leaned forward on the couch with a curious expression. “But why are you worried? You guys hate each other!”

_ Not anymore…  _ Shizuo almost admitted as he remembered the many peaceful days he had been sharing with Izaya recently. But, he stayed silent, trying to come up with another way to explain himself. 

"Um… Well…" Shizuo bit the inside of his cheek and then stopped talking. He couldn't think of a good lie, so not giving an explanation at all was the only idea he had left. 

Unfortunately for him, a certain otaku already had an idea of what he was unable to say. Erika leaned forward, her brown eyes staring straight into Shizuo's for several long seconds. 

Whatever she saw in his gaze, it seemed to confirm her suspicions. "I know what this is about…" She leaned even further forward, almost completely off the couch. "This is about Izaya's Hanahaki, isn't it?" 

Shizuo's heart skipped several beats, completely caught off guard by her words. "H-H-how did you know about that?!" He sputtered out, too shocked to filter himself. 

The confirmation of her suspicions made Erika gasp in glee. "I knew it! I knew it!" She exclaimed,"So then that means you and Izaya are…" She covered her hands with her mouth and let out a high pitched squeal. 

Kadota looked between them. "Whoa, back up. What is Hanahaki? What is she talking about?" He questioned as he pointed a finger at the woman. 

Shizuo knew there was no hiding it any longer. Erika knew, and he hadn't helped at all with his big mouth. He sighed, and sunk further into the couch. 

"Hanahaki is… It's like a disease, with flowers," The blonde tried to explain. "The sick person has flowers growing inside of them, and they start coughing them out. If they can't cure themselves then the flowers will keep growing and eventually… They'll d-die…"

Kadota, Walker, and Saburo all turned several shades paler as they listened, their eyes turning towards the hallway where Shinra was working on Izaya. 

Erika jumped to her feet, making the four men in the room jolt out of their stupors. "Shizu-chan! You're leaving a very, very important part out!" 

"Erika don't-" 

The woman whipped around to face the other three. "Hanahaki isn't just a flower disease, it's a  _ love  _ disease! If the victim doesn't get the person they love to love them back, they'll die." 

The trio looked even more horrified, but Kadota noticed that Shizuo didn't seem particularly surprised by this news… As if he already knew what Hanahaki was. Erika, he could understand, but why would Shizuo know? 

Once again, Erika was several steps ahead of him. She turned to look at Shizuo again with an understanding look in her eyes. 

"And Shizu-chan bursts in here worried for Iza-Iza, and tells us that they're not fighting anymore, and he just happens to know what Hanahaki is, the very thing that Izaya has?" Erika rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Is it possible that Izaya has Hanahaki because of Shizu-chan?" 

The information all clicked for Kadota, Saburo, and Walker. They looked between the two like a tennis match before finally settling down on the blonde debt collector, desperate to hear what he had to say in response to Erika's accusations. 

Shizuo stared at them like a deer caught in headlights, his whole body frozen solid as his mind once again frantically tried to figure out what to do. A lie, a half-truth,  _ something.  _

But he knew it was too late. Erika had figured it out, and he couldn't bring himself to lie to Kadota or his odd group of friends. 

"Y-yes. It's true," He admits. "Izaya has Hanahaki because of me… He's in love with me, and he has been dying thanks to it…"

Kadota stared at him in shock for a few seconds before he shook it off, and narrowed his eyes. "How do you know this isn't one of his tricks?"

Shizuo quickly jumped to Izaya's defense. "It's not! I've seen it with my own eyes, Kadota. He coughs, and all these flowers and blood comes out and it's- it's awful!" He shuddered, the memory of Izaya vomiting up bloody cherry blossoms at russian sushi still fresh in his mind.

"We saw them too, Dota-chin, remember?" Erika reminded him. "When we found him in the alley?" 

Kadota's shudder mirrored Shizuo's own, his skin turning a few shades paler. He slumped over in his chair. "Fuck…" He rubbed a face against his hand. "That- That's awful. How the hell can Izaya handle it?"

Shizuo shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. It's been getting really bad recently too… I'm so scared that he might die…" 

Erika looked up at him, her eyes staring inquisitively once more. "You're scared that he'll die? So you  _ don't  _ want him to die?" 

"No! No I don't!" Shizuo quickly exclaimed,"Nobody deserves to die in such a painful way!" 

The woman leaned forward, her gaze never breaking. "If that's true, and you don't want him to die, then you know what that means, right?" She pointed at him, poking his chest. "Iza-Iza is in love with you. He'll die unless you love him back." 

Shizuo scoffed and leaned away from her accusatory finger. "I know that!" He snapped, letting his stress get the better of him. 

"Do you love him then?" Erika demanded. 

The blonde tensed up, once again shocked by her bluntness. Shizuo felt a blush creeping up his face, and clenched his fists. "Y-you can't just ask that!" 

"Oh yes I can! Especially when the only thing that is stopping Izaya from dying a horrible death is you!" Erika firmly reminded him. "Shizu-chan, it'll only hurt him more if you string him along!" 

"That's not what I'm trying to do-" 

"Then why are you acting like it? Shizu-chan, do you love him or not?" Erika demanded, raising her tone the slightest bit. 

Shizuo gritted his teeth. "I told you, I don't know!" 

Walker frowned, looking between the pair. "Isn't it a little too late to not know? Izaya is getting worse, we saw it, Shizuo?" 

"He looks like he might drop dead any day now," Saburo helpfully added. 

"With the flowers the way they were?" Kadota cringed. "Izaya probably doesn't have long left…" 

"Exactly!" Erika exclaimed, and turned back to a rigid and shaking Shizuo. "Time is of the essence, Shizuo! You need to figure it out soon! Izaya is going to die unless you can return his feelings-" 

All the panic and frustration that Shizuo felt over the last few days suddenly burst through the dam. He spun around to face all three of them and yelled,"I DIDN'T ASK FOR HIM TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME!" 

His sudden outburst had them all freeze up and shut their mouths with a click, staring towards him with wide eyes.

Shizuo let out violent, heaving breaths and stomped closer. "It's all about Izaya, isn't it? Hanahaki this, hanahaki that!" He slammed a fist against his chest. "WHAT ABOUT ME?!" 

Their bewildered expressions only riled him up further. He paced back and forth, clutching at his hair and growling in frusteration. 

"Out of nowhere it's all up to me to save his life, but to do that I have to love him! HIM! The person who I've tried to kill for years! It's too much to ask!!" 

He slapped a hand against his chest. "And why does it have to be me?! Why couldn't the damn flea have fallen for anyone else?! After all this time, why did he have to choose me?!" 

With an angry growl, Shizuo punched the wall next to him, leaving a large crack in its wake. "I hate this! I hate this! I just want it all to END!" 

Another, more frantic voice, broke through the sudden tension in the air. "Stop it! Shizuo! Stop it!" 

Shinra ran into the room, Celty trailing behind while the doctor dragged Izaya with him. The raven had fresh blood around his mouth, and was holding a blanket tightly over his body. Somehow, even with his injuries bandaged, Izaya looked worse than before. 

"You have to calm down right now! Can't you see you're hurting him?!" Shinra demanded, motioning his free hand to his friend.

The panic in the underground doctor's tone was enough to make Shizuo's anger deflate. He looked at Izaya, who refused to meet his eye, and then back at Shinra. "W-what do you mean?" 

Shinra turned around and they could see his eyes widen the slightest bit, as if he just realized Izaya was holding a blanket. He grabbed the edge, and tried to pull.

"No!" Izaya cried out, his grip on the fabric tightening as he tried to tug himself out of his friend's grip.

It didn't matter much, Izaya was too weak to fight for long. Shinra bunched more of the fabric in his hand. "Izaya! I’m not letting you hide this any longer!” With one final yank, the doctor got rid of the blanket.

Instantly, Shizuo let out a horrified gasp at the sight. Izaya’s extremely skinny body was covered in cherry blossoms. His stomach, his arms, and they had even started to climb up his chest. In the places where the flowers were, the skin was almost impossible to see. 

Kadota, who had been one of the people to see the flowers already, pointed a shaky hand to the flowers that were wrapped around Izaya’s upper arm. “T-those weren’t there earlier…”

“They just appeared a few seconds ago.” His angry, narrowed eyes turned to the blonde debt collector. “At exactly the same time that Shizuo was yelling.”   
  


Shizuo could only stare with his jaw dropped at Izaya, his eyes focusing on the morbid array of cherry blossoms blooming through the man’s skin. The raven didn’t even try to look at any of them, his wide red eyes staring down at the floor as his body shuddered. 

“H-how long have you had these?” Shizuo whispered in the stunned silence.

Izaya refused to even look at them, so Shinra answered,”Since the day he moved in with you. It’s been getting worse since then.”

Shizuo looked at Shinra, then at Izaya, then back at Shinra, and at Izaya once more. Then he walked forward with a hand outstretched, just centimeters away from the flowers. Suddenly, Shizuo grabbed Izaya by his shoulders and shook him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” He angrily demanded.

Izaya grabbed at Shizuo’s arms, trying in vain to make him let go. “Why do you think, protozoan? I didn’t want you to know!” 

“Didn’t want me to know?!” Shizuo echoed, shaking him again. “Didn’t want me to know?!? Are you fucking kidding me?! You didn’t want me to know you were dying?! I told you I didn’t want you keeping secrets from me!!”

The raven finally managed to pull himself out of the grip, and stumbled backwards. “I know you did! But I couldn’t tell you!” 

“Why not?!” Shizuo snapped.

“Why do you think?!” Izaya motioned to him. “After everything you just said? You think I don’t notice how you’re putting all this pressure on yourself to try and help me? If you saw this, you’d only try even harder!”   
  


“Why don’t you want me to try?” Shizuo questioned, his brown eyes filled with confusion.

Izaya looked him in the eye for the first time during the whole interaction, and they were shining with unshed tears. “B-because I love you, Shizuo! And as happy as it would make me to have you love me back, I don’t want you to force yourself to love me out of guilt! It’s not your fault I fell in love with you!”

“But I promised that I would try!” Shizuo argued back. “How am I supposed to try and help when you aren’t honest with me? When you hide just how awful this has gotten from me I can’t help! You… You DUMBASS!”

Izaya opened his mouth to retort but Celty came between them, moving Shizuo away while she quickly typed on her PDA. ** [You two need to calm down! Yelling at each other won’t fix anything!]**

Shinra pulled Izaya backwards, careful to avoid any flowers. “Celty’s right, we need to relax and talk this out. Nothing good will come from keeping secrets from the ones you love,” He lectured.

His words made Izaya freeze, and then a few seconds later the raven burst out in loud, unhinged laughter. He shoved Shinra away and turned around to face him and give a strange grin.

“Keeping secrets? Keeping secrets?!” He let out another high pitched laugh, and looked at Shinra with narrowed eyes. “Well, you’d be the expert on that, wouldn’t you Shinra?”

The others looked at Shinra in confusion, while the underground doctor turned several shades paler. He started frantically shaking his head. “Izaya please don’t please-”

Izaya didn’t listen. He turned to Celty, and pointed accusingly at Shinra. “He’s amazing at keeping secrets, Celty! In fact, this whole time, he’s been keeping the secret of where your head is this whole time!”

Celty jolted backwards, her PDA falling to the ground. She stood in rigid silence for a long time, and then spun around to face Shinra. Everyone stared at the couple in silence, shocked by the news of Shinra’s lies.

“C-Celty, let me explain-”

He wasn’t given a chance. Celty’s shadows flew forward, slamming the man against the wall before she ran forward and punched the doctor in the face, her shadows wrapping tightly around his throat.

Everyone in the room cried out and hurried forward, struggling to separate the two of them before the dullahan managed to kill the underground doctor.

“Celty please, calm down!!” 

“You’re going to kill him!”

“Stop it!”

Eventually Shizuo and Kadota managed to talk Celty down, separating her and Shinra on opposite sides of the room. Celty was still visibly seething, her shadows almost flowing around her like a cloak.

The underground doctor, who now sported many red marks that would soon become bruises, quickly declared,”I promise, Celty, I’ll explain everything!”

**[You’d better, you bastard! And you’d better come up with a good explanation for why I shouldn’t leave Japan as soon as I go get my head!] ** She angrily replied.

“I will, I will, I promise!” Shinra said, clasping his hands to his chest. “All I ask is for you to give me a chance to explain!”

Celty stayed still for a long time before slowly typing out her response. ** [One chance, I’ll give you one chance. But I can’t promise I’ll believe what you say.]**

Shinra sighed in relief, tears building up behind his broken glasses. “T-thank you, Celty!” He whispered happily.

“Guys…” 

The people in the room all turned to look towards Erika, and found her looking down the hallway. They followed her gaze, and found that the front door of Shinra’s apartment was wide open, with some cherry blossom petals leading out of it. Instantly, they all realized what had happened.

Izaya was gone.

\-- -- -- -- -- --

Outside of the apartment in Shinjuku, Masaomi stood by Izaya’s door, tapping his foot impatiently and looking at his phone for the time. He had been waiting for a while, and there was still no sign of the informant broker. He frowned, tugging on his yellow scarf nervously.

He knocked once more, and waited for a few minutes before letting out an annoyed sigh.  _ I guess he’s not here… _ He turned to walk away, only to hear the door click open. 

Spinning back around, he saw Izaya coming out of the apartment, he was limping, and wearing something different than his usual attire, but he was still there. A grin exploded on the gang leader’s face, and he hurried forward.

“Izaya-san! The information you gave us was awesome! Thank you so much!” He excitedly said, practically jumping up and down next to the man. “And I hate to ask for more, but I have an idea for how to scare those Blue Squares away for a long time and I wanted to ask you-”

The strangely somber Izaya held up a hand, cutting off the blonde, and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Kida, I can’t help you anymore. I’m… Leaving, and I’m not coming back.” He explained.

Masaomi faltered in surprise. But Izaya loved Ikebukuro, right? Why in the world would he leave? He hurriedly caught up to the man, eyebrows knit in confusion. “W-where are you going?” He asked.

Izaya’s blank expression didn’t change. “It doesn’t matter,” He muttered so quietly that Masaomi could barely hear. The man then stopped, leaning forward to cough into his hand for several seconds. When his coughing calmed, he turned to look at the gang leader. “I can’t give you any more information, but I can give you advice.”

Masaomi grew excited once again and leaned forward, waiting eagerly for anything he could get that would help him in his fight against the other gangs.

But the informant broker gave him nothing close to that. Placing a hand on his shoulder, he looked the boy in the eyes with an intensity he had never seen. 

”Disband the Yellow Scarves, go to school, find a job you love, and be happy.” He cringed slightly, his hand clutching against his chest as if he was in pain. He took a few deep breaths, and then finished,”Don’t waste your life.”

Then, without another word, the informant broker turned and walked away. Left behind, Masaomi looked down at his hands as he tried to register what he had been told. “I-I don’t understand… Why are you telling me all of this? Izaya-san…”

But when he looked up, the hallway was empty. Izaya had vanished… Almost like a ghost...


	11. Wilting

_ This is all my fault! _

_ This is all my fault! _

In the two days that had passed since Izaya had disappeared, those five words were constantly spinning in Shizuo’s mind. 

All his insecurities finally made their way to the front of his mind, and he let it all out… Izaya had heard them,  _ everyone _ had heard them. Then, Shizuo found out that Izaya had been hiding just how bad his Hanahaki was getting ever since he moved in with Shizuo.

The blonde let out an angry growl, slamming his fist against the side of a building, making a sizable crack in the reinforced concrete. “That stupid flea! Why did he hide it? Why didn’t he tell me?!”

“What did you expect?” Kadota asked from behind him, his arms crossed and a stern look on his face. “You practically told us that you wanted him to die.”

Shizuo quickly spun around to face him, his face pink with shame. “That- That’s not what I meant!”

The beanie-clad man scoffed. “Well then you should have worded it better! Izaya said himself that he could tell you were putting a lot of pressure on yourself by trying to love him back. When you blew up at us, it made him think you didn’t care at all.”

Kadota’s words were spot on, and it only made Shizuo feel worse. He slumped against the cracked wall and groaned. “I made everything so much worse… I should have listened to what Celty said!”

His friend raised an eyebrow, so Shizuo continued,”Celty said that Izaya told her he didn’t even want to tell me the reason he was sick. He wanted to try and become close to me without showing his Hanahaki, that way I wouldn’t feel pressured to love him back.”

“How did you find out?” 

Shziuo cringed at the memory. “Well… I thought he was trying to mess with me so I told him that I hated him and then he started coughing up the flowers in front of me. I figured it out from there…”

Kadota shook his head and sighed. “I don’t know what you expected then, Shizuo. If Izaya didn’t want to tell you about the Hanahaki in general, then why would he tell you about the flowers on his body?”

“I don’t know!” Shizuo snapped in return, his anger flaring up before suddenly faded away. He looked as if he had aged twenty years in a single second. “I guess I just hoped that… After the time we spent together that he would feel safe telling me.”

“If you wanted him to feel like he could tell you anything, you shouldn’t have yelled all that shit in Shinra’s apartment.”

Kadota and Shizuo turned around at the sound of Saburo’s voice, the man had just pulled their van into the alleyway and shut the car off. The side door slid open, revealing a defeated looking Erika and Walker.

Dread filled Shizuo’s stomach. He hurried forward and asked,”Did you guys find any sign of him? Anything?”

“Not even a single cherry blossom…” Erika muttered, her eyes downcast.

Saburo nodded his agreement. “Wherever he’s going, he’s covering his tracks. Izaya really doesn’t want to be found.”

Shizuo’s shoulders went tense, his face flushed in shame once again as the guilt returned. He knew the whole reason Izaya had run away was because of him. If he hadn’t said anything, or had let himself talk to Izaya instead of bottling it all up, maybe he wouldn’t have lost the raven.

Walker leaned further out the door. “Yeah! Even his apartment was locked tight! Me and Erika tried to lockpick it but we couldn’t get in!”

A small shimmer of hope rose up in the pit of despair within Shizuo.  _ They couldn’t get into his apartment… Does that mean he could be hiding in there? _ He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists.  _ It’s the only lead I have! I’m gonna have to go with it! _

He spun around and stalked past the van without saying a word, determination building up in his exhausted body.

The quartet watched him go from where they stood, nobody moving to follow. “Where are you going?” Kadota demanded, confused.

Without stopping, Shizuo replied,“I’m going to break that damn door down and see if the flea is hiding in there! If not, then I’ll keep looking!”

“And then what?!” 

Shizuo stopped, the question catching him off guard. He turned back around, and found Erika’s narrowed eyes glaring at him, brimming with a challenge. Her cheeks were slightly red, but not with shame like Shizuo’s. No, her face was red with anger.

The blonde strongman frowned, his brown eyes staring down the woman in confusion. The usually happy-go-lucky Erika was mad at him, and he didn’t know how to handle her sudden shift in tone. “What do you mean?”

“I mean exactly what I said, Shizu-chan!” Erika snapped, not backing down. “When you find Izaya, what are you going to do?”

Shizuo opened his mouth to reply, but he found that he had no answer. His jaw clicked shut, and he quickly turned his head away from her. 

Erika made an annoyed noise, as if that was exactly what she expected. She crossed her arms and glared harder. “If you’re going to try and find him with no idea what to do next, then it’s better to not try at all!”

Shizuo jolted in shock, her harsh words once again catching him off guard. The surprise was quickly replaced by rage, and he stomped closer with a loud growl. “Are you saying I should just let him die?!”

“Yes!” Erika snapped back.

Kadota, Saburo, and Walker all spun around to face Erika in disbelief. “What?!” They cried in unison.

Erika huffed, trying to contain her frustration at Shizuo. After a few deep breaths she pointed at Shizuo, her eyes never leaving his. “Listen to me right now, Shizuo. If you go to Izaya right now, when you don’t even know if you love him or not, all you are going to give him is false hope.”

“But-”

“No! You listen to me right now!” Her harsh tone cut off Shizuo’s protests. “I want you and Izaya to be together, I always have! But Izaya is literally  _ dying, _ Shizuo! If you don’t love him, he will die. If you go there and pretend to love him, then he’ll die with an even bigger broken heart! He’ll die knowing you were lying to him!”

Shizuo’s eyes widened and his skin paled, finally realizing what Erika was trying to tell him. “B-but… I- I don’t know how I feel…” He whispered, and then straightened up. “But I don’t want Izaya to die either!”

Walker strode up, standing next to his friend. “Then you need to figure out your feelings quickly. You saw what he looked like at Shinra’s place. He doesn’t have much time left.”

“They’re right.” Kadota looked up at him, sadness in his eyes. “There are only two outcomes for Izaya, and it depends on you. His life is in your hands, Shizuo.”

Shizuo could feel his heart beating in his chest, his mind swirling with thoughts and fears.  _ Two outcomes… Two Outcomes… Izaya lives… Izaya dies… That’s it, that’s all there is, and it all depends on me… _

“I… I... “ Shizuo stopped himself, eyes burning with unshed tears and his throat feeling like it was on fire. Without another word, Shizuo turned and sprinted away as fast as his body could handle. 

He didn’t listen to the yells for him to stop, he barely heard Erika yelling for him to make a decision, all he cared about was getting to Shinjuku, getting to the apartment, getting to Izaya. His lungs were on fire, but he didn’t stop, he  _ couldn’t _ stop.

Shizuo didn’t know how much time Izaya had left.

\-- -- -- -- -- -- --

“Izaya!! Izaya!!” Shizuo yelled, his fist pounding on the door as hard as he could. “Open this door right now, flea, or I’ll break it down!!”

He stopped for a moment, pressing his ear to the metal door and listening as best he could when his heart was still pounding from the run. He reached his senses out as far as he could, but there were no sounds, not even a rustle of clothing.

Shizuo backed up, pressing himself against the far wall. Then, with a burst of energy he slammed himself against the door as hard as he could. The locks broke, and the door flew open, cracking the wall with a loud ringing noise.

The blonde paid it no mind, and hurried into the apartment. “Izaya!” He yelled, looking around the apartment. The desk was empty, the television was off, there was a thin layer of dust on most surfaces. The place looked almost completely abandoned.

“No… No…” Shizuo croaked, shaking his head in fear.

He moved further in the apartment, and found himself in the kitchen. A memory flashed through him of when he had come to the raven’s home last, and found the man passed out on the floor, heartbroken after Shizuo’s apparent rejection.

His heart clenched, but he saw no signs of Izaya and forced himself to move further inside and up the stairs, shaking away the memory of carrying Izaya up those very steps. Once he reached the top, he shoved the bedroom door open.

The room was empty, completely empty. Hope started to fade once more. He stumbled over to the bed, sitting on the edge and burying his face in his hands again. “Izaya…” He whispered, but that was all he could force out.

He blinked the tears away again, looking towards the messy comforter where he had watched Izaya sleep. The young man had looked terrible, and yet Shizuo had been unable to tear his eyes away as so many conflicted feelings ran through him.

Without thinking, Shizuo grabbed the comforter and went to smooth out the wrinkles. Then, he felt something rough against his fingers. With a frown, he lifted his hand and realized right away what it was.  _ Dried blood… _

Shizuo’s heart jolted with him. He jumped up and quickly retraced his steps. He went back to the bedroom door, noticing the streak of red on the bottom of the doorknob. He walked slowly, his eyes catching the specks of blood on the floor he had missed before.

The almost unnoticeable trail didn’t lead to the bed, but to the dresser across from it. Shizuo knelt down and leaned close to the dark-stained wood, finding more streaks of blood on the knob to the right.

He quickly stood up straight and pulled open the drawer, finding a mess of wrinkled clothes with specks of blood and cherry blossoms. He gasped, his heart skipping at the painfully familiar sight.

Picking one up, Shizuo found that the flower was only just starting to show signs of wilting. It was a newer petal, that meant Izaya had been in his apartment after he ran away. He quickly pulled open the other drawers, searching for any more bloody cherry blossoms but he found none. _ They were only in the one specific drawer, but why? _

Too impatient to be careful, Shizuo yanked the drawer completely out of the dresser with a loud snap and then turned the whole thing upside down. Shirts, socks, and other clothing items fell from the drawer. Then, with a soft thump, a flat piece of wood landed with it, and he heard the rustling of papers as something hit that wood piece.

Shizuo looked down, noticing a thin wood panel the same size as the drawer.  _ A false bottom? _ He realized, and his brown eyes moved to the small journal which had landed next to it. He knelt down, only having to examine it for a second before he saw splotches of blood on the cover.

He hastily opened the journal and scanned the pages, searching for any hint of where Izaya could have gone. The first few pages were random numbers, scrawled out with names he didn’t recognize. 

But after about ten pages, Shizuo found a page with the word ‘Safehouses’ written on them. He held his breath, turning several pages and finding several different safehouses. Most were written with ‘Awakusu-kai’ underneath them in parenthesis.

On the second to last page under the safehouse section, Shizuo noticed a page particularly stained. He stopped, scanning the contents and noticing one that had bloody fingertips against it. A small house in Kyoto… Was that where Izaya was going?

“Kyoto… That’s so far, and he’s so sick…” Shizuo muttered to himself, worry springing up in his chest. “What if he gets attacked again or- or what if he collapses again? What if he hurts himself and-”

He couldn’t bear the thought of anything happening to the flea. Having Izaya separated from him, not knowing if he was okay, it was like there was a hole in Shizuo’s heart… A hole only the informant broker could fill.

The days he spent with Izaya, the silly dates they went on, it had all been surprisingly amazing. It had brought a splash of color to his mundane life. Izaya was one of the only people who wasn’t afraid of him. 

And no matter how much Izaya’s life depended on Shizuo loving him back, the flea had never pushed him to make a decision. He had been kind, patient, and nurturing... All the things Shizuo would have never expected from a man who he used to think of as an enemy. Which is the reason that Shizuo loved-

Shizuo’s body froze, his heart skipping several beats as the realization finally hit him.

_ I’m in love with Orihara Izaya _

The journal was clenched tightly in his hands as a new burst of energy ran through him. He sped out of the apartment complex, not even bothering to avoid people, he had one mission and that was all he could focus on.

He had to get to a station, he had to get to Kyoto and find that safe house. But most importantly… 

He needed to find the man he loved.

\-- -- -- -- -- -- --

It was a long way to Kyoto, even after shelling out the money to take a bullet train to the city. As soon as he got off the train, he burst into a sprint once more and ran as fast as he could towards the address of the safehouse Izaya had possibly gone to.

It took too long for Shizuo, even at his fastest speed. But with the rain beating down on him, he almost slipped and fell so many times he was forced to slow his pace down and hide the precious journal in his black vest.

Slowly the large buildings started to fade away, giving way to lush green forests and scattered houses. Shizuo’s brown eyes scanned the scenery, until they finally landed on a small house that blended in perfectly with the others in the area. 

Panting hard, Shizuo leaned over the journal, careful to keep his dripping wet hair to land on the precious pages.

This is it, this is where Izaya should be! He realized, and quickly ran up the hill to the house. Without caring, he kicked the door off its hinges and ran inside. “IZAYA!!” He yelled, skidding to a stop at the sight of a completely empty house.

The furniture was completely covered in dust and cobwebs, and there was no sign of blood or footsteps. The only signs of living were the muddy footprints that Shizuo himself had just made… Dread filled Shizuo’s heart. He chose the wrong safehouse.

“No… NO!” He yelled, turning and running outside and back down the hill the house stood on. He had to get back to the station, there were only so many safehouses Izaya could have gone to, he would find it!

He ran past the lush green trees, his lungs already screaming for him to stop and his vision gaining black spots all over. His body wanted to give up, but Shizuo knew he had to keep going, he had to find Izaya and-

A flash of pink in his vision sent a jolt through Shizuo’s heart. He whipped his head around to try and see it again, but doing so made him slip in a slick spot of mud. With a cry of pain, he tumbled off the dirt road and down the rest of the way, crashing against a tree.

His clothing was covered in mud, his head was pounding, and it made him groan in pain. He shakily pushed himself up, frantically looking around the green foliage for any sign of the pink he had seen before.

For a moment, he thought he may have hallucinated it. But then he saw it again, a pile of pink flowers against the ground. He narrowed his eyes, noticing one of the flowers was a different color. No, it wasn’t a flower at all, that was a hand!

“Izaya!” Shizuo croaked, frantically crawling over to the man he had been searching for. His wide eyes quickly scanned the raven, and he felt the desire to vomit at what he saw.

The flowers had spread far more than Shizuo had expected. Sprouting through Izaya’s clothes, they spanned almost his entire body, down his arms and legs, and across his face. Shizuo couldn’t even see his eyes anymore.

“No, no, no… Izaya…” He reached out, shaking the man with weak strength. “Izaya! Izaya, please wake up!”

Izaya’s body was limp in his hold, he didn’t so much as twitch in response. Shizuo wasn’t even sure he was breathing, it was so hard to tell when the flowers completely covered his chest.

Shizuo reached out planning to lift the raven off the ground and bring him to the safehouse, but he felt resistance. With a frown, Shizuo reached underneath Izaya and froze in horror. He felt flower stems…

The flowers inside Izaya were rooted into the ground.

The blonde covered his mouth in shock. “Oh my fucking god… No, no, no…” He whispered. Leaning forward, he pressed his ear against the flower covered chest, desperately searching for any sign of life. “I’m too late…”

All the running, all the searching, and he had been too late. The dam that Shizuo had been holding back finally broke, and the tears tumbled down Shizuo’s cheeks like a waterfall of pain. He let out loud sobs, pressing his face into the flowers.

“Oh, Izaya…” He whispered,”I’m so, so sorry… This is all my fault. I- I spent all that time with you and- and I couldn’t even help you… I couldn’t figure out my feelings, and now-” He sobbed louder, cutting himself off. “And now I’ve lost you…”

His tears fell onto the flowers, blending in with the rain that poured down on them. Shizuo lifted his head, sniffling and gasping for air in between sobs. “I finally figured it out, flea… I figured out how I felt and now I can never tell you…”

Shizuo’s shaking hand reached out, tracing around the flowers that had sprouted from Izaya’s cheek as he leaned closer. He pressed his lips against the raven’s own pale, cold ones and held the weak kiss for a few moments before finally pulling away and pressing his face against the shaggy black hair.

“I never got to tell you that… That I love you, too.”

As soon as the words left his lips, Shizuo went silent in mourning. He held Izaya’s limp hand in his own, the only sound around him becoming the rain and occasional thunder. He looked at the raven one more time, closing his eyes, and then starting to stand.

Then, the hand he was holding twitched. Shizuo froze instantly, turning his red rimmed eyes to stare at Izaya in disbelief and hope.

For several moments, there was nothing. Then, the flower covered chest rose suddenly with a loud, gurgled gasp. With loud, violent coughs and gags, flowers started to tumble out of Izaya’s mouth.

Shizuo moved on auto-pilot, grabbing Izaya and lifting him into a sitting position without any resistance. On the ground, the green stems were still poking out of the soil, but they were no longer attached to Izaya.

Izaya slumped forward and continued coughing up a large pile of flowers. As the pile grew larger, Shizuo watched in awe as one by one the flowers on Izaya’s skin drifted to the ground, as if they had never been attached in the first place.

After a painfully long amount of coughing and vomiting, Izaya suddenly stopped. He took several deep breaths, breaths that were long and clear. The raven groaned, his hand reaching up to rub his eyes and look up. His red eyes blinked slowly, until they caught sight of the blonde holding him up.

“Sh-Shizuo? Is that… You?”

The blonde stared back at Izaya with tears still tumbling down his cheeks. “IZAYA!” He cried, wrapping his arms around the man he loved and pressing their lips together in a happy kiss for a split second before pulling away again. “You’re alive, you’re alive!”

Izaya blinked slowly, the words finally registering with him. “I’m… I’m alive…” His eyes widened in shock, turning to look up at Shizuo. “Does… Does that mean that you…?”

Shizuo let out a weak, but happy laugh. “Why do you think I kissed you?” He leaned forward, pressing his forehead against the other man’s. “I love you, Izaya.”

Those words made a bright red blush appear on Izaya’s cheeks, along with happy tears. For the first time ever, Izaya was able to say,“I love you too, Shizuo.”

In the embrace of one another, among the cherry blossoms, Izaya and Shizuo leaned into another kiss. 

The world around them didn’t matter anymore. They had each other, and that was all they would ever need. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the end. Keep an eye out for the last chapter, which will be the Epilogue! Thank you all for reading, and have a wonderful day!


	12. Bloom

In the year that had passed since Izaya and Shizuo had confessed to each other, many things had changed that it was almost hard to believe.

After Izaya recovered from his ordeal, they returned to Ikebukuro to find relieved faces and a surprisingly not-dead Shinra. Somehow, despite Izaya’s bombshell that Shinra had been hiding her head from her, the couple managed to reconcile and come out stronger. 

“When two people love each other, there is nothing in this world that can keep them apart! No matter what the danger may be, they will find a way!” Shinra had happily announced to them, ignoring Celty’s jabs to his side and her puffs of embarrassment.

Shizuo didn’t dare say it out loud, but he agreed with Shinra’s statement. Love was very powerful, and it was the only reason that he still had Izaya with him.

Soon after returning to Ikebukuro, Izaya sold his apartment and moved in with Shizuo. Izaya didn’t work for a while, and eventually ended up almost completely quitting his informant job. He told Shizuo that there were too many bad memories attached, and it made it hard for him to handle the job.

But once he realized that the reason he was quitting was for Shizuo, he reminded his lover that he would stand by him no matter what. Eventually, Izaya found a job as an informant for the police. He helped track down criminals and locate missing people.

Of course, Shiki still reached out for help from the raven every now and then, but was kind enough to make sure Izaya would not get in trouble for anything. Shizuo also mentioned Izaya’s skills to his boss at the debt collecting business, which led to their company being a frequent client to Izaya.

Izaya also stopped meddling with Ikebukuro in general. The problems in the city, while still there, weren’t often as amplified as before. The Yellow Scarves and Blue Squares disbanded after an incident that Shizuo recalled easily.

That blonde kid had burst into their apartment one day begging for help after it turned out the girl he always hung around, Saki, had been taken by the Blue Squares despite the fact Masaomi hadn’t fought with them in months.

With the help of Kadota and his gang (they had been Blue Squares members, who knew?). They rescued her and stopped the gang. Masaomi quit the gang business shortly afterward.

Soon after, the Blue Squares members started disappearing under mysterious circumstances. When asked, Shiki and Izaya claimed that they had no idea what happened. Not that Shizuo minded, those assholes deserved it.

After the disbandment, Masaomi was annoyingly attached to Izaya. The incident and losing his gang had shaken the kid, so Shizuo tried not to be annoyed. It was obvious to anyone that the kid had no idea what to do with himself now.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” Shizuo had tried to comfort him. “You’re young, not a lot of people know what to do at your age. Hell, even when I got into Raira I was so shocked I even got in that I didn’t know what to do!”

Masaomi had perked up the instant the school name left his lips. “Raira… That’s it!” He jumped up, hurrying over to where Izaya was cooking dinner. “Izaya! I have a new job for you! Use your freaky informant powers to get me and Saki into Raira!”

Izaya gave him a good natured smirk. “Tutoring. What you’re describing is tutoring, Masaomi-kun.”

“Oh…” The teenager faltered for a moment, and then quickly perked up. “Well then give me that!”

It started with Izaya just tutoring Masaomi and Saki, and soon it became many of the old Yellow Scarves members and beyond them. It came to a point that Izaya and Shizuo moved to a bigger apartment that included an office for work purposes.

(Oddly enough, Izaya seemed more upset at the move than Shizuo…)

Izaya wasn’t the only one who improved either. With Izaya at his side, Shizuo found that controlling his temper became a much easier task. He wasn’t able to do it all the time, but he definitely didn’t snap as much as before.

It turned out that when he wasn’t constantly damaging city property, his paycheck was actually pretty good. 

_ “No, I don’t care what Izaya said! I did not look like a ‘gasping fish’ when I got that paycheck, Shinra! If you say that again I’ll turn your apartment into an open concept design!!” _

Thanks to the flea’s pestering, he and Kasuka also found more time to spend together. Their relationship had always been good, but it felt better when he was able to be around his brother more than just ‘when they had a chance.’

With his extra money, he was able to indulge more in the things he loved. He took cooking classes and learned to make all his favorite sweets, which Izaya always ate despite his adamant stance on hating sweet foods.

Tom even started inviting Shizuo and Izaya to hang out. They got to be part of many disastrous double dates, go to karaoke bars, or just hang out and have fun. If it wasn’t Tom, it was Shinra and Celty, or Kadota’s gang.

Sometimes, they all hung out at the same time, usually at Shinra’s ridiculous ‘hot pot parties’ or whatever he called them. Izaya put up a fuss about how hot pot was a winter dish, but he enjoyed himself too.

Their relationship didn’t stay secret for long, but it didn’t matter much to either of them. Anyone who tried to attack Shizuo was quickly taken down by throwing knives and switchblades, and anyone who tried to attack Izaya was quickly found and thrown halfway across the city. 

They didn’t care that they had once been enemies or that they were both men, all that mattered to them was that they were together, and Shizuo thanked his lucky stars almost every day that he had found Izaya in time on that rainy day.

_ Yes… _ Shizuo thought in the present time, a small smile on his face.  _ Despite everything that happened, I wouldn’t change a thing. _

Shizuo let his cheek rest in his hand, staring out at the bustling city below the cafe. The lights of Ikebukuro glimmered in contrast to the evening sky. He turned back to the table, taking a sip of his strawberry milk. The taste was amazing on his tongue, as usual. This was his and Izaya’s favorite spot, after all.

Speaking of his lover, Shizuo set his cup down and narrowed his eyes at the back of the laptop that was facing him. Izaya typed away on it quickly, his eyes scanning the contents on the screen instead of focusing on their date.

“Did you have to bring work with you?” He asked the raven, his tone soft and holding only a tiny bit of irritation.

Izaya’s typing noises ceased for a moment, his red eyes peeking over the laptop at his lover. “I’m sorry, Shizu-chan, I tried to finish everything but the Chief was very insistent on getting everything I could by the end of the day.”

Shizuo rolled his eyes, wondering if he needed to threaten the police officers to lower Izaya’s workload. “I don’t even know why you still work for him, Izzy. That babysitting gig of yours makes you good money already.”

The blonde grinned at the pink blush that appeared on Izaya’s cheeks. “It’s not babysitting, Shizu-chan, it’s  _ tutoring! _ There’s a difference, and you know it!” He argued with no malice.

Shizuo chuckled, but didn’t argue back. As Izaya hurriedly went back to typing, Shizuo looked down at his nearly empty cup and then back at the laptop. Without saying anything, he used his hand to slowly push the laptop shut.

Izaya squealed in surprise, quickly pulling his hands out of the way and then glaring up at his boyfriend. “Shizu-chan! I was using that!” He whined.

“You were using that, but not anymore.” He declared, grabbing the laptop bag and shoving the annoyingly expensive computer into it. He stood up and took Izaya’s hand gently into his own. “Come on, Izaya. It’s a beautiful night, let’s go for a walk.”

Izaya blushed the slightest bit, unable to stay annoyed for long. He squeezed Shizuo’s hand back and stood up, draping his fur coat over his red t-shirt. “Okay, okay. But only because you asked nicely and didn’t break the laptop.”

Shizuo choked on the last of his drink, and glared down at the giggling raven. “Hey that was  _ one time! _ You said you would stop bringing it up!”

“I can’t help it! Shizu-chan is so cute when he’s flustered!” Izaya replied, lifting his head to peck the blonde’s cheek and make his blush spread further.

The debt collector grumbled half-heartedly as he held the informant’s hand tighter and left the cafe, walking down the street and letting the familiar sounds of the city carry them through the crowded streets.

Along the way, Shizuo looked at the passing trees. “It’s almost cherry blossom season…” He mentioned.

Izaya nuzzled his head against Shizuo’s arm. “Ugh, don’t remind me. I’ve had enough of those damn blossoms for the rest of my life, maybe beyond that.” He grumbled against the sleeve.

The blonde chuckled at the man’s reaction. “Well, I still think that they’re pretty. After all, without them we may not have been able to have this.” 

The raven looked towards him curiously, and then scrunched up his nose in distaste. “Are you sure? I think there could have been another way for us to realize that we love each other than a magical flower disease.” 

“You know, that’s the thing.” Shizuo stopped at the opening of an alleyway, moving out of the way of the crowd so he could look down at his lover. “A magical disease, right? So I was thinking that maybe your Hanahaki was almost like… Like fate intervening with our lives.”

“Fate?” Izaya echoed in disbelief, arching an eyebrow up at the man.

Shizuo huffed, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. “Well when you say it like  _ that _ …” 

Izaya chuckled at his reaction, a small smile on his lips. “You know how I feel about stuff like fate and destiny, Shizu-chan. I think we forge our own paths through life...” 

The raven paused for a moment, letting go of Shizuo’s hand so he could grab the man’s collar and pull him into a deep kiss. When they pulled away, panting, the raven added,”But if fate and destiny is what gave me you, I’ll make an exception just this once.”

Shizuo’s heart soared, a bright smile on his face. He pulled Izaya into one more long, loving kiss. Once they parted again, they took each other’s hands and rejoined the bustling streets of Ikebukuro to continue on their journey together.

“You know, Shizu-chan, I was thinking about our anniversary… Maybe we could take a trip to Kyoto and you could actually see the sights this time. Or we could go to Hokkaido like you mentioned yesterday. What do you think?”

“As long as I’m with you, Izaya, anywhere is perfect.”

\-- -- -- -- -- --

The End

\-- -- -- -- -- --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have finally reached the end of Forever in the Garden! Thank you all for reading and supporting this story, and have a wonderful day!


End file.
